Mulholland Drive ★★★★★

I turned 20 while watching this. A lot has happened since I first watched this 3 years ago, in life and who I am, but the feeling of watching this never goes away-the heartbreak of it all, the way all of its images stick around in your brain when it’s over, every single eyeball, it’s all still there, it all came back to me as flood of teenage pain. Time is shorter than you feel it, 3 years doesn’t sound that long but this year alone has felt like all of that, the memories of watching Mulholland Drive for the first time feel ancient now but god they were clear as day as soon as those pink lights started flashing. Mulholland Drive’s thoughts on time are darker than mine; in LA, time is the most valuable resource, being young is limited and if you mess it up you’ll end up expired. People die hunting for time, age haunts them like the devil, yet they don’t realize they’re in hell themselves until it’s too late. There is pure hatred here for the way this world chews people up and spits them out as shells of their former selves-Lynch has always been about the humanity of people trapped in the fake, this staged world mirroring the devilish suburbs of Blue Velvet, but here his nihilism is turned up to the highest level. The older you are the more thrown around you’ve been, and it’s hard to find stable ground through all that. Still, we have love and each other-unlike our protagonists we aren’t forced to hate each other by an uncaring industry, we resist and lean on each other, helping each other towards the finish line. We’re all running our race together. Being alone would always be worse.

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