Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 ★★½

Sorry for being so dense. This movie just made me realise how literal the title of “Guardians of the Galaxy” is supposed to be.

I get that I’m supposed to believe a team that consists of a white guy with a jetpack and a gun, a talking raccoon with a gun, a green girl who can do backflips (and has a gun), an autistic blue bodybuilder (who doesn’t need a gun), and a tree alien who’s basically a really strong Mr Fantastic have the collective capacity to defeat an antagonist who possesses the power to destroy the galaxy, right? It’s fun because of how much of a mismatch is and Guardians of The Bible Belt doesn’t quite have the same ring to it.

Because it makes sense to me if Thor and Dr Strange face cosmic threats because they’re practically gods themselves, but what fucks with me now is if Marvel wants me to buy that the GOTG can take down Ego singlehandedly (okay, Yondu helped too), then how the fuck do you expect me to take Thanos seriously as a threat that requires the entire MCU to team up together? Like, they defeated Ronan with a dance-off, Ego with Pacman… why not just have Groot save the universe by beating Thanos in a spelling bee? Or have Drax rip Thanos’ infinity gauntlet off in a thumb-wrestling match? At this point, that would be more believable than Thanos being such a badass that he needs two movies of his own for the MCU to seemingly take him down.

And the thing is I’m still going to see phase 3 all the way through because I feel obligated to see Cate Blanchett phone it in for Thor:Ragnarok and I’m curious as to all the ways Black Panther is going to disappoint me next year but with Odin as my fucking witness, Avengers: Infinity War will be the last fucking Marvel movie I pay to see in the theatre.

[note to future me: if you find yourself tempted in the future and you want a loophole, then remind yourself Odin isn’t real and go watch whatever the fuck you want.]

Notes:

- Can’t make up my mind whether the universe literally being consumed by Ego is too cute or not.

- To be honest, I prefer this to the original GOTG and I especially liked the Yondu massacre scene. Too often, these blockbusters try to gloss over mass murder by having the victims be disposable humanoids like stormtroopers, aliens or robots so it was refreshing to see a similar scene that actually had some bite to it.

- Is there a worse developed main character in the MCU than Gamora?

- Found this fantastic comment on The Black Panther teaser trailer “As someone in the Alt-Right, this movie perfectly demonstrates a lot our values and what many of us want. Wakanda seems to be a racially homogeneous ethno-state with no multiculturalism or racial diversity. The Black Panther is very nationalistic and is willing to risk his life and take the lives of others for the good of his people. They have a non democratic, authoritarian style of government where the people of Wakanda is the primary concern of the ruler. Wakanda seems to stick to its roots and value tradition and a shared culture and reject post-modernism. Wakanda also seems to be very isolationist which would mean that they would have their own fully independent economy free from (((international finance))”. The thinkpieces can’t get here soon enough!

- Erm, I’ve seen Wonder Woman already but I want to watch it again before I write anything about it.

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