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  • Not Another Teen Movie

    Not Another Teen Movie

    ★★★★

    This is legitimately a comedy masterpiece and I will never tire of its nonsense.

  • Timecop

    Timecop

    ★½

    It absolutely baffles me how a time travel martial arts cop movie could exist with so few remotely redeeming qualities, yet here we are. The only way to make sense of Timecop is that it's a satire of the genre, but it's just not that clever. Holy moley.

  • The Fourth Man

    The Fourth Man

    ★★★★

    I've now seen four films from the Netherlands. There may very well be a day that I watch a Dutch film I don't absolutely love, but that sure as heck ain't today.

    Talk about using sex and sexuality to strengthen the atmosphere and terror of an erotic thriller! I'm not sure what it is about Verhoeven that jives so well with me and my sensibilities, but it's truly astounding that he's been able to masterfully grip me so completely from…

  • Ford v Ferrari

    Ford v Ferrari

    ★★★

    I may be simple and naïve, but I have a hard time seeing the love of cars and racing as anything but ego and dick-measuring. Regardless of any mastery the filmmaking may have demonstrated, the longer I've sat on this, the less interesting or good it's been in my mind. I avoided seeing this in theaters when it came out because, however much I love Mangold, I hate cars more, and after seeing it I think I was justified.

  • The Rock

    The Rock

    ★★

    So high concept it hit the ozone, The Rock is a film I watched solely because the Rewatchables podcast kept mentioning it in relation to Nick Cage's career.

    As the minutes progressed, I realized that despite its enormous strengths (explosions and exposition) this movie could not possibly be any less interesting to me. I can't remember the last time I saw something that thought so little of its audience. Blghgblhgl WELCOME TO THE ROCKK

  • All the Bright Places

    All the Bright Places

    ★★½

    You'll have fun, she said. You liked the book, you'll probably like the movie, she said. You've grown since then, and you won't wind up feeling completely broken this time, she said. It'll be fiiine.

    Ugh, I hate me, she's such a liar.

    Adaptations of heavier YA novels are like a big jar of hunny and I'm a big dumb Pooh bear. I just can't help myself. And even if they're only just fine like this one, I'm completely ruined by the final act. I need to stop doing this to myself.

  • Terminator: Dark Fate

    Terminator: Dark Fate

    ★★★

    Mackenzie Davis and Linda Hamilton are the platonic ideals of badassery.

    I did like that they managed to bring even a semblance of menace back to the villain in this episode, but it is ultimately the same story.

  • Killer Joe

    Killer Joe

    Too nauseous to leave a rating or review right now. There was a surprising amount I liked, and a surprising amount I couldn't stomach—and this is me we're talking about. Woof. Gotta sit on it.

  • Portrait of a Lady on Fire

    Portrait of a Lady on Fire

    ★★★★★

    I have no words. Must see again soon. I'm going to go for a walk.

  • Mr. Right

    Mr. Right

    ★★½

    There are sooo many things that aren't great about this trash garbo movie, but none of them compare to how brilliantly charismatic Sam Rockwell and Anna Kendrick are, or how unapologetically stupid-fun this was for me.

  • Serial Mom

    Serial Mom

    ★★★½

    When I grow up, I wanna be Kathleen Turner.

  • We Are What We Are

    We Are What We Are

    ★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Aw dang, when the girls go hog wild chompin' on their dad, I realized this is the low-budget Hereditary of cannibalism. I dig.