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  • The Strangers

    The Strangers

    ★★

    This is the lowest-energy horror movie I have *ever* seen. I’m actually kind of impressed that this film has a climax in which Liv Tyler is being hunted by a masked knife-wielding killer who stops inches away from the see-through blinds of the closet in which she is hiding, and all the while I was fucking bored! Is that actually a directorial feat somehow? I can’t really tell.

  • Pineapple Express

    Pineapple Express

    ★★★½

    It’s hard to find a film with so much earnest energy, so *almost* all of Pineapple Express’ issues are overwritten by the pure delight of watching James Franco and Seth Rogan light a cross joint and accidentally sleep in a car in the woods for eighteen hours. I do, however, think this film unfortunately falls into the classic comedy “third-act problems” trap and loses itself in a cliche of violence-based slapstick humor at the end.

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  • The House That Jack Built

    The House That Jack Built

    ★★½

    I’m so stuck between loving and hating The House That Jack Built that I nearly couldn’t bring myself to review it. Lars von Trier presents his audience a two-and-a-half-hour biblical “fuck you” to Cannes, but doesn’t really understand that we don’t need it. Was ending Nymphomaniac with Stellan Skarsgård, a direct representation of ~the audience~, attempting to rape a woman who had just spent four hours talking about how horrible men have been to her not representative of his hatred…

  • Eighth Grade

    Eighth Grade

    ★★★★½

    It’s kind of refreshing for a film to be so relatable that it is actually profoundly uncomfortable to watch.

    Eighth Grade follows a week in the life of Kayla Day, a girl so loveable and yet so tortured by the everyday realities of being in middle schooler. I was so much like Kayla. I used to write lists of what I would do differently each day to make the cool kids like me. I didn’t understand why they didn’t. First-time…