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  • We Bought a Zoo

    We Bought a Zoo

    ★★

    You can always count on a great soundtrack from a Cameron Crowe movie, even a bad one. It's unfortunate, because it wouldn't have taken much to make this passable, just a screenwriter interested in exploring the dramatic possibilities of a family recovering from a tragedy through the very unique and exciting prospect of moving to a zoo. Instead we just get the repetitive beats of Matt Damon's sadness and a contrived villain character in the form of a county zoo…

  • Rough Night

    Rough Night

    ★½

    Nobody here is believable as a real character, and first-time director Lucia Aniello’s screenplay wants so bad to be character-focused, that by the time the women are driving the penis-sunglasses-wearing-corpse-with-an-erection around in a Smart Car you’ll be all but wishing the film would just resort back to the obvious Weekend At Bernie’s-style sitcom humor it pretends to be above. The ones having the real rough night will be any paying audience members, who deserve far better than this forced, uninspired snoozefest, that retreads bad eighties plotlines to smooth over disingenuous attempts to be edgy, off color and progressive.

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  • Guardians of the Galaxy

    Guardians of the Galaxy

    ★★½

    It's only been four days and I'm already tired of arguing with people about Guardians Of The Galaxy. So I say fuck this movie right in its 92% Rotten Tomatoes-approved-fresh ass. Sorry, does that offend you? Here you go, here's the Reservoir Dogs soundtrack to listen to while you read the rest of the review; apparently that can make everything better.

    People like to criticize Hollywood for making the same movie over and over again. Apparently some of those same…

  • Clouds of Sils Maria

    Clouds of Sils Maria

    ★★★★★

    You can tell after the first ten minutes of watching Clouds Of Sils Maria that it is not a Hollywood production; one, because Juliette Binoche's character Maria is still alive, and two, because Kristen Stewart is actually allowed to act, and she's pretty great at it by the way.

    In yet another year of middling roles for women, Sils Maria is a dream come true. Masterfully directed by Olivier Assayas, the film centers on an aging actress preparing to play…