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  • The Greatest Showman

    The Greatest Showman

    ★½

    Wow, this movie was torture...
    (Three seconds after the credits)
    I wonder how accurate this movie was?
    (Five seconds later, slams the phone on the table)
    Hugh Jackman, not looking anything like P. T. Barnum is the least heinous inaccuracy in the entire movie!

  • Hardcore Henry

    Hardcore Henry

    ★★★½

    My friend Christopher: Hey, watcha watching?
    Me: Hardcore Henry.
    Christopher: What, is it a porno?
    Me (Sarcastically): I don’t know, haven’t watched it yet.
    Christopher: Just asking, there have been times I’ve accidentally walked in on friends watching a porno, with a similar title to that.

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  • The Revenant

    The Revenant

    ★★★★½

    Academy Member1: Hey, let's give Leo an Oscar this year.
    Academy Member2: What, why?
    Academy Member1: Dude, he slept in a carcass; we are morally obligated to stop his behavior from escalating any further than it already has!

  • Memento

    Memento

    ★★★★★

    A character study of the most socially well-adjusted subject, with both short-term and long-term memory loss.