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Recent reviews

  • Crazy, Stupid, Love.

    Crazy, Stupid, Love.


    I was watching All About Eve recently. Marilyn Monroe has a bit part and her acting is so starkly bad against all the other excellent performances. And yet here we are 60 years later and not many people would pick Bette Davis out of a line up while Marilyn is universally recognised.

    So my advice to Ryan Gosling: If you are interested in long lasting fame and glory you should kill yourself really soon because you're almost old.

  • Final Destination 5

    Final Destination 5


    Film of the year. My appreciation for watching people younger than me get ripped apart in agony increases exponentially with age. The LASIC scene can be watched repeatedly for extra enjoyment.

    Each movie in this franchise continues to push its philosophical message a little bit further. Number 5 is no exception. We will all die like whiny little bitches, but that doesn't stop us running around in terror before hand. Profound.

Popular reviews

  • Conan the Barbarian

    Conan the Barbarian


    As soon as you kill off Ron Perlman all movies turn to shit. Though actually this film wasn't that bad. It had a bit of the charm of the original coming through. There were wenches and people did yell 'by Crom' a lot.

    But I will say one thing - There is never any reason to wield two swords stuck together in parallel. It makes no sense according to any rules of physics or magic. So this movie lost two stars for being overly influenced by the Gillette Mach 5.

  • Friends with Benefits

    Friends with Benefits


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    At least it had a bit of, from behind, nudity.

    Gratuitous use of a 'flashmob'. In my day a flashmob was a thing where three hundred people walked into a Burger King and mooed at the menu. Now it just seems to be what under utilised dance troupes do to get a bit of attention from strangers.