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  • Cats

    Cats

    I wasn't prepared.

    I've seen actual pornos that were less horny than this movie...

    How is it that the one cat that is wearing pants seems more naked than the actually naked cats…

    I don't think I understood a single word in any of the songs in the movie. But I don't think that affected my overall understanding of the film in any way, positively or negatively…

    That's not entirely true. I would occasionally catch brief snippets of human phrases…

  • Hellboy

    Hellboy

    ★★★

    There's no denying that this is a bad movie. The filmmaking is mostly inept. The writing is awful. The dialogue is hacky. Few jokes land. The plotting is lumpy cumbersome nonsense. It makes all the mistakes. Unnecessary prologues, and unwanted epilogues, and dense dull mythologies. Thin motivation, and poor characterization, and assumed emotional weight, and unearned sentimentality.

    But I still kind of liked it. There's lots of creatures, and the movie lets us actually look at them. And it's got…

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  • Candyman

    Candyman

    ★★★★

    Be my victim. This everything I want out of a horror film. A ruthless narrative, a seductive monster, a strange elaborate mythology that's never fully explained, a comprised hero who puts their soul at hazard, a dark haunting ending.

    This is a great reminder of why filmmakers shouldn't worry too much about being problematic, and why we should cut some slack for those who don't mean any ill will. There is a lot of loaded imagery in this movie. And…

  • Pit Stop

    Pit Stop

    ★★★★

    The movie feels like it belongs to two different eras of filmmaking. It has to be one of the last movies to use black and white as the cheap alternative to color. The protagonist is a greaser type, more in common with Brando’s Wild One than the protagonists of Easy Rider or Vanishing Point. And the cars are older model stock cars, big boxy hotrods instead of the lean muscle cars that were already starting to dominate the genre. The…