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  • Setup

    Setup

    ★½

    Okay, so this movie was WILD. Basic plot is that Ryan Phillippe is a criminal. He's friends with 50 Cent and some dude who sucks (you're supposed to like him but he sucks). They rob a courier with $5 million in diamonds, where Ryan Phillippe kills the courier for no reason. He then shoots both his friends. 50 Cent survives so he tries to get revenge or whatever.

    There's other stuff that goes down (about 20 min in they randomly…

  • Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant

    Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant

    ½

    Sigh.

    Andrew and Mary checked to see if this movie had spiders in it and bailed (btw, good call, one of the main characters is a tarantula sized CGI colorful spider) but y'all didn't miss anything.

    What I don't understand about this movie is that John C. Reilly is in this as like the main mentor or whatever, and half of his lines are clearly jokes, and he delivers each line like he's brooding. Why did he do this? What was going on? This movie confused me so much. Also it was very boring.

    Good bad, bad bad, or mimosa bad?

    Bad bad

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  • The Book of Henry

    The Book of Henry

    ½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Well I don't know what I really expected.

    Everyone said this movie was bad. I knew what was going to happen in the movie. But I didn't realize how...forgettable it would be. It's been a day since watching it and I'm still not 100% sure I saw it. But let's do a quick rundown.

    a "precocious" (read as- asshole) 11 year old kid does EVERYTHING for his divorced mom (2-time academy award nominee Naomi Watts), who married a rich guy,…

  • Xanadu

    Xanadu

    ★★★★★

    Full disclosure- I picked this movie 100% believing it was Zardoz, and I pitched it as like, oh you get to see Sean Connery in a weird Borat speedo, and when the movie started, it like, showed Earth with some cheepy 70s (this movie came out in 1980, but come on. 70s) special effects, and I was like, yup that's the movie. Then some random dude with long hair ripped up a drawing, and there were like 3 tracking shots…