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  • The Skeleton Twins

    The Skeleton Twins

    ★★★★½

    To whom it may concern. To anyone out there who is currently depressed, down in the dumps and contemplating suicide...

    I have a story for you. A story I hope may help. A story about a man who within the last five months has tried to kill himself twice. Three, if you include a stupid decision that could also have led to his demise. That man is me.

    It was Christmas Day last year when I tried to end my…

  • Nomadland

    Nomadland

    ★★★½

    House-less. Color-ful. That is, as far as the supporting characters go. Our lead nomad played by Frances McDormand was, if I take the road towards honesty here, the least interesting personality in this slice of Western-vibing Americana. RV wheely sure those academy awards were earned? Well, McDormand does put herself out there by taking a dump in a plastic bucket. That's some serious Oscar shit right there.

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  • Jurassic World

    Jurassic World

    ★★★★

    God creates dinosaurs

    God destroys dinosaurs

    God creates Steven Spielberg

    Steven Spielberg creates dinosaurs

    Dinosaurs inspire man

    Man destroys God

    The Indie-to-Hollywood Conversion Factory creates Colin Trevorrow

    Colin Trevorrow reverse-engineers a beloved childhood favorite and puts most of the pieces back in a satisfying, nostalgic and highly entertaining fashion, if also neglecting the importance of character and the great, oh-so-great value of Goldblumian acting capabilities.

    Second-rate writers inherit the earth

  • The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

    The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

    ★★½

    The world is changed. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the funky air of my local HFR theatre.

    Much that once was is lost, for no director now lives who remembers its subtle epicness.

    It began with the forging of The Lord of the Rings trilogy and the great feels that followed.

    Three feels were given to the Elves; immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings.

    Seven to the Dwarf…