Yes, it's altogether true. You may not believe it, much like certain stories or lone witness accounts may be difficult to swallow, but I do, on occasion, commit attention to "real cinema". It's not all superhero flicks and rockstar biopics in which Ozzy Osbourne snorts ants. There are facets to my motion picture appetite. Especially when I'm able to stream a film like this at home completely legally and free of charge. Well, free-ish, there is a public service tax,…
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The Northman 2022
Now that Eggers has invaded our lands of ice and snow, where the good mead flows and auroras glow, is it our turn to raid New England? By the hammer of the gods, Odin nods, saying "Bring me Black Phillip, for he means naught to us but bellies full of a roasted sod". Ah-ah, ah! Valhalla, jag är på väg!
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Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City 2021
Thank you, post-Anderson Resident Evil movie, for actually bringing some gore and horror with your bag of slimy ingredients. The audacity, right, giving us fans something other than Mid-Air Milla Jovovich emptying clips in slow motion? The absolute nerve!
Now, that isn't to say that Welcome to Raccoon City is without its issues. Famous names to the franchise (which they no doubt make a crystal-clear job of establishing) do not equal famously good performances. And there were scenes where I…
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This Is Spinal Tap Sequel
This is my exhilaration level turned up to 11: FUCK YES! 2024 can't come soon enough. Then I and the film alike will be celebrating our 40th year in existence, dancing around an underwhelming stonehenge representation, listening to the flower people and being generally clueless 🎸🎶
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Jurassic World 2015
God creates dinosaurs
God destroys dinosaurs
God creates Steven Spielberg
Steven Spielberg creates dinosaurs
Dinosaurs inspire man
Man destroys God
The Indie-to-Hollywood Conversion Factory creates Colin Trevorrow
Colin Trevorrow reverse-engineers a beloved childhood favorite and puts most of the pieces back in a satisfying, nostalgic and highly entertaining fashion, if also neglecting the importance of character and the great, oh-so-great value of Goldblumian acting capabilities.
Second-rate writers inherit the earth
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Being John Malkovich 1999
Love how John Malkovich, in the midst of losing his marbles and getting ready for the loony bin, turns to Charlie Sheen for advice. That right there is when the film transcends from great, bizarre fun to a surrealistic masterpiece.
