"The rare sequel that surpasses the original"

"The best superhero movie since X"

"A good movie, but not a good Star Wars movie."

"The film America needs right now."

"Will forever change the way you view X"

"The best studio comedy since X"

"The funniest movie since X"

Using Tommy Wiseau or The Room as a comparison for a film's badness, favorably or unfavorably.

"The best horror film in years."

Or, generally commenting on how a horror film good in spite of its genre (as if good horror films do not come out all the time).

"The best sci fi film since X."

"The feel good film of *insert year that hasn't finished yet here*"

"The feel bad movie of *insert year that hasn't finished yet here*"

Comparing any and all new musicals to La La Land.

"Like if unrelated film met another unrelated film."

"An animated film that adults can enjoy as much as their children"

Backhanded criticism aimed at adult-oriented animated films due to the misconception that animation is for children.

"Auteur filmmaker's most recent work is good, but not nearly as good as auteur filmmaker's widely regarded masterpiece."

COMMENT BONUS: Getting upset with feminist-focus film reviews/critics because you do not consider yourself a feminist.

"The best sequel since The Empire Strikes Back."

"X Franchise Tentpole is the Empire Strikes Back of the series."

"Does for x what Jaws did for the ocean."

"I grew up with X"

"Ruined my childhood!"

Comparing any film about BDSM or non-traditional sex to Fifty Shades of Grey.

Basing an entire review of an adaptation on the adaptation's proximity to the source material (see also, The Shining).

"The definitive film about insert minority group here."

Implying that years of non-white, queer or non-hegemonic cinema no longer matter and that every minority voice on film is essentially the same.

Incessantly bringing up Rotten Tomatoes, Metacritic, Cinemascore, etc; positively or negatively.

Exaggerating bodily reactions one has during/after watching a film...

FROM MY OLD HIGH SCHOOL BLOG:
"I get a massive adrenaline rush after watching a good movie."

"Objectively..."

"Insert coming of age movie here is bad because it doesn't accurately reflect my childhood."

"Insert coming of age movie here does nothing new to re-invent the genre."

Basing all criticisms of these kinds of films on John Hughes.

"X is Y on insert recreational or hard drug here."

Basing reviews of television miniseries on whether they should, or should not, be included on the site.

"insert surrealist film here reminded me of David Lynch or Luis Buñel."

COMMENT BONUS: Getting upset about a user taking issue with the work of a problematic figure because you personally "separate the art from the artist."

"Without spoiling the entire film, sentiment that inadvertently spoils the entire film"

"It's not a film, it's an experience."

"A masterclass in..."

"A glorified video game."

>Implying that video games are not capable of telling interesting stories, crafting compelling characters or experimenting with form.