• Ghostbusters: Afterlife

    Ghostbusters: Afterlife

    ★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Oh no, not Paul Rudd getting possessed and having passionate sex with me on a satanic altar….oh no I’ve tripped….oh no…

  • Eternals

    Eternals

    ★★

    Did everyone try the chicken? I thought the chicken was lovely.

  • Venom: Let There Be Carnage

    Venom: Let There Be Carnage

    Venom is like one of those parrots that gets too attached to its owner

  • Halloween Kills

    Halloween Kills

    ★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    There are so many things to choose from when criticising this movie but I just can’t get past how fucked up the pacing felt. Like are we really expected to believe this all happened in the same night as the last movie? Was the idea of just jumping forward a year so crazy to these creators? To let the events of the last movie breathe at all?

    It felt so ridiculous seeing the characters, over an hour into the sequel,…

  • Halloween Kills

    Halloween Kills

    ★½

    It was such a fucking oddball choice to continue directly from the last movie, like no breathing room whatsoever. Big John and Little John couldn’t even save it.

  • Malignant

    Malignant

    ★★

    Anyone else just wanna settle down with James Wan

  • Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings

    Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings

    ★★★

    I can’t tell you the illness I felt upon realising that Shang was born in 1996 😷

  • Life of Pi

    Life of Pi

    ★★★★

    I have loved this movie since its release, idk why but it just ~spoke to me. It’s a beautiful movie. However it’s hard to look at it now knowing the tiger they were filming with was almost drowned in a pool just to shoot a scene. 

    As a movie, without that context, it’s still beautiful and a really nice watch. But damn. The CGI animals were perfect. You didn’t have to almost kill a real one.

  • The Invisible Man

    The Invisible Man

    ★★★½

    Easily Johnny Depp’s best performance.

  • Well Groomed

    Well Groomed

    ★★½

    Some of these people seem fucking miserable despite insisting they partake in these competitions for the love of the hobby or whatever

  • The Mountain Between Us

    The Mountain Between Us

    ★★★

    I’m sorry but this gives the same dumb thrills as a good mills and boon

  • Jaws

    Jaws

    ★★★★★

    Steven Spielberg thought he could get trained sharks for this movie and was disappointed when he was told you can’t train sharks.