• Moonraker



    The most comedic Bond movie yet but the only funny thing about it is how none of it comes together at all. Absolutely delirious scatterbrained shite that would hit so much harder if Roger Moore had any more charisma, expression and screen presence than a plywood board. There's a vibe of Just Fucking Around that elevates this movie above its dishwater predecessors but Moore is mooring the momentum with his relentless geography teacher energy. True blessings to the set and…

  • Where In The Hell Is The Lavender House: The Longmont Potion Castle Story

    Where In The Hell Is The Lavender House: The Longmont Potion Castle Story

    The moments of interest are when the subject matter is given screentime - showing their thought & technical process from behind the curtain, it was so cool to see LPC's audio setup. Amazing how little of that actually composes the whole documentary though, this is more of a mockumentary about the director more than anything - attempting to dramatise and poke fun out of their creative foibles in making this thing. Would have been interesting enough, in the vein of like…

  • The Seventh Curse

    The Seventh Curse


    It's the Worm Tribe, they specialise in Witchcraft.

  • Turning Red

    Turning Red


    Having a horse in this race is a misstep because all Turning Red really is is a rare breed of premium kids movie that is earnest about being for kids - but it comes from the house of mouse, so everyone needs to get their digs in ig. Being set in Canada is enough to tell me to stop worrying about "relatability" and just enjoy the text for what it is, Whoville ass country. The main thing that struck me…

  • Goldfinger



    Bond saw a character named Bigboobies Sexylady and thought "I could fix her"

  • From Russia with Love

    From Russia with Love


    i love how in this movie the entire country of Turkey is run by one little man’s Many Large Sons

  • Dr. No

    Dr. No


    Starting my Bond journey as an act of self-flagellation. Dr. No is lacking in propulsion & racial sensitivity (trademark 60's movie), but the villain was a gay evil genius so I can't help but feel cared for. Honestly thin of anything I can particularly cling to and call Good, painfully stodgy and disgustingly british, but it's generally gorgeou beige chic. Cool to see how many iconic mainstay elements are present right out of the gate, from the opulant exotix evil island,…

  • Spider-Man: No Way Home

    Spider-Man: No Way Home


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    There are so many points this movie picks up and immediately drops that would make the premise legitimately frightening or effective, like characters reconciling with knowledge of the threads of fate they all seem to share. Moments where characters are shown processing creeping dread and doubt are shown and promptly discarded for a bad bubbly joke, because the writers can only deal in platitudes.
    The part where Andrew Garfield and Tobey Maguire showed up incited a rapturous response from the…

  • Spider-Man 2

    Spider-Man 2


    Peter in the prime of his life and it's edited like a youtube MAD. The hospital sequence essentially being Evil Dead 4. Much to like.
    Way funnier than the first, that's for sure! J.K. Simmons stole the entire movie with his sequences, if I'll be frank. There's a dude just having fun and chewing every second of screentime up like he's starving.

    I dunno, maybe I'm coming way too hot off the tray with Spider-Man 1, but it just didn't hit as hard. Heartfelt, undeniably so, but it's starting to feel a tad too quaint about it. Still, Molena did some incredible faces.

  • Spider-Man



    I don't know if I'm merely projecting because modern superhero movies have immunised me to their constant barrage of quippy, self-referential winks to the audience; the affixes to every expository scene with too much Comic Weirdness in it that lends levity in a way that reeks of zero confidence. The MCU machine is a juggernaut of Brand and Capital, but it's so embarrassed of itself. Anyway it's nice to see this and find the whole thing like, endearing and earnest,…

  • Beyond



    Dreams are impossible to recapture - lightning in a bottle experiences of haywire brain synapses firing in haphazard directions, creating uncanny imagery that you simply can't recall or recount without losing the sauce that made it the hallucination it was.

    Beyond is one of the best shorts in the Animatrix, one that I saw when I was like 8 or something and could only recall drips and drabs of; minuscule scenes out of sequence and out of key, memories so…

  • Kid's Story

    Kid's Story


    This Animatrix short kind of blew me away, some of the most sublime animation work I've ever seen. Meticulously detailed and still filled with utterly inspired explosions of kinetic energy. The skateboard sequence unafraid to bend and warp and contort, pulsing out of proportion with lust for life. Immediately a new favourite animation from across the entire medium, raw unbridled skill and dedication to the craft.