Beach has written 24 reviews for films rated .

  • Where In The Hell Is The Lavender House: The Longmont Potion Castle Story

    Where In The Hell Is The Lavender House: The Longmont Potion Castle Story

    The moments of interest are when the subject matter is given screentime - showing their thought & technical process from behind the curtain, it was so cool to see LPC's audio setup. Amazing how little of that actually composes the whole documentary though, this is more of a mockumentary about the director more than anything - attempting to dramatise and poke fun out of their creative foibles in making this thing. Would have been interesting enough, in the vein of like…

  • Black Widow

    Black Widow

    The really depressing thing is that I essentially only watched this because I've watched the rest of the entire MCU. Clocking in for what feels like mandatory community service.

  • Anatomy of a Murder

    Anatomy of a Murder

    Why is this even called "Anatomy of a Murder"? This movie is astoundingly disinterested in the case of murder and rape it spends nearly three agonising hours plodding around. Lee Remick’s character, the victim of sexual assault, acting flirtatious and nonchalant in a sea of legal victim-blaming made me furious lol, kick this movie back into the century it crawled from. Doesn't even have the wherewithal to feature good performances, be funny, or be remotely visually interesting - endless genial…

  • Blair Witch

    Blair Witch

    Fucking shut up.

  • Mank


    Watched this yesterday and I've already forgotten what happened in it. Homage for homage's sake. The black and white filter makes Fincher's clinical stylisation look like Mars Needs Moms CGI.

  • Tenet


    Finally feels like Nolan taking risks, but manages to stay completely safe throughout. Hilariously pronounced "bwomps" from the soundtrack as it beats me over the head with Nolan's afternoon Wiki-dive. Just doesn't explain its lofty concepts well no matter how hard it tries to convince me it did. Honestly never been a premise I want to see in someone else's hands more - a director with a sense of humour, kinetic energy, wit, a soul. Played Poinie's Poin immediately after, it's really fun you should check it out.

  • Halloween Is Grinch Night

    Halloween Is Grinch Night

    yeah i think im bored to death of psychedelic animated sequences now

  • Hellraiser


    Lol this sucks man. Aside from the wonderful practical effects applied in the regeneration scene, there's nothing here for me. If you're going to be completely overwrought, crude, and vapid - at least don't be fucking boring.

  • Alice in Wonderland

    Alice in Wonderland

    Unbearably ugly soulless movie with matching politics. How did this piece of shit gross over a billion dollars.

  • Kronk's New Groove

    Kronk's New Groove

    Wow this movie is just character assassination. I loved Kronk to death, but now I think he's only okay. I was hoping for Young Yzma too, but they were too cowardly. Cunt movie.

  • Scoob!


    every character except scoob looks like a fortnite skin

  • Thor: The Dark World

    Thor: The Dark World

    I've been watching the entire Marvel movie series and this is the only one I have any actual opinion on. Easily the worst in the entire MCU, genuinely boring and hard to sit through. Its one and only saving grace is the can of Vimto.