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  • Snow White: A Tale of Terror

    Snow White: A Tale of Terror

    ★★★½

    No cops at Pride. Just Sigourney Weaver wielding the reanimated corpse of her miscarried child, and a dagger fashioned from a shard of glass.

  • The Blair Witch Project

    The Blair Witch Project

    ★★★

    Much better than I remember, but never going to be one of my go-to's in horror. The documentary angle is fun, but I wish we had way more on the folklore, because that's where things get a little scary/unnerving. And that's about it. Also, the protagonists are so flat and underwhelming that you're always rooting for the Blair Witch to win.

  • The Satanic Rites of Dracula

    The Satanic Rites of Dracula

    What the FUCK did I just watch? This is the most incoherent movie I have EVER seen, and I never want to see it again.

    This also would have been ten times better if Joanna Lumley had just played a young version of Patsy Stone and snorted a ton of coke.

  • Dracula A.D. 1972

    Dracula A.D. 1972

    ★★★½

    Ever since Christopher Lee's presence as Dracula diminished to more of a supporting/secondary role in Dracula: Prince of Darkness (1972), this series has not known how to toe the line between horror and camp as its various plots (and plot holes) went fully off the rails. Taste the Blood of Dracula (1970) and Dracula AD 1972 (1972) come closest to perfecting the formula, with the latter fully embracing the camp aspect of the bloated franchise. The contemporary setting and loose revision of the Highgate Vampire serial killer make for a really refreshing and oddly wonderful film. Also, that funk soundtrack is such a fucking mood!

  • Scars of Dracula

    Scars of Dracula

    ★★

    There are some pretty interesting familiar (and original) plot elements/dynamics at play here, but this ends up being laughably mediocre, especially given that the previous installment provided some much needed fresh blood for a series in desperate need of it. I was actually genuinely shocked by the amount of gore and violence here. I mean, Dracula has a sadomasochistic relationship with his servant? What the fuck. This definitely has the highest body count of the series by far.

  • Taste the Blood of Dracula

    Taste the Blood of Dracula

    ★★★½

    Let's talk about how the film's first primary antagonist is a dandy who is coded as gay, and he dies after drinking Dracula's blood, which clearly stands in as a substitute for another bodily fluid...

    Christopher Lee's Dracula is still flat, boring, and underutilized, but this is the best sequel in the series so far, and the first that I have never seen up until now. I was actually invested in the stakes (pun intended) of the most original/bonkers plot…

  • Dracula Has Risen from the Grave

    Dracula Has Risen from the Grave

    ★★★

    Christopher Lee being the most flatly written/acted Dracula I have ever seen is legit getting on my fucking nerves now. I hope he’s more interesting in the remaining films in this series. that color scheme tho...

  • Dracula: Prince of Darkness

    Dracula: Prince of Darkness

    ★★★

    I've not seen this in a good twenty years, but I had incredibly vivid memories of that resurrection scene. This entry in the Hammer Dracula series does not have enough Dracula or enough tension, but it's a pretty fun romp, with some casually implied lesbianism. How bad could that be?

  • The Brides of Dracula

    The Brides of Dracula

    ★★★½

    The Brides of Dracula boasts equally impressive costume and set design to its 1958 predecessor, with the added bonus of containing a more compelling storyline and more fully realized characters. Probably the superior film of the two, but you do of course miss Christopher Lee.

  • Dracula

    Dracula

    ★★★★

    Trying to watch all of Hammer's Dracula series before Halloween. Re-watching the first four before I conclude the series.

    An extra half star because of how iconic Christopher Lee and the Hammer set designs remain. And it's kind of funny how this film is somehow way less substantial plot-wise and atmosphere-wise than Nosferatu (1922), and Dracula (1931).

  • Judy

    Judy

    ★★★★

    Nothing mattered except for Renée Zellweger and the gays, which is pretty fitting for a Judy Garland biopic. She really sold me; her singing evoked a lot of the emotional tenor of Judy’s voice in the final years of her life, without coming across as a bad impersonation. The flashback sequences were also a really heartbreaking touch, and every single one made me cry. As a Judy Garland die hard fan, I’m happy with this film.

  • Showgirls

    Showgirls

    ★★★★★

    Every gay’s life is divided into two exact eras: B.S. (Before Showgirls) and A.S. (After Showgirls). The A.S. era of my life (2014-present) has been just as much of a trainwreck, though perhaps not as glamorous or as profitable as Nomi Malone’s legendary rise as Goddess. For this I am grateful.