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  • Spider-Man: Homecoming

    Spider-Man: Homecoming

    ★★★

    WHERE THE FUCK WAS THE HOMECOMING DANCE AT!? IT'S IN IT FOR LIKE A MINUTE AND THEN THAT'S THE END OF IT! AND DON'T GIVE ME ANY OF THAT "IT WAS A DIFFERENT KIND OF HOMECOMING" BULLSHIT. WHEN YOU PUT "HOMECOMING" IN YOUR TITLE AND YOUR MOVIE TAKES PLACE IN HIGH SCHOOL, I EXPECT A DAMN HOMECOMING DANCE! ...HOMECOMING!

  • War for the Planet of the Apes

    War for the Planet of the Apes

    ★★★★

    WHERE THE FUCK WAS THE WAR AT!? I NEEDED MORE ACTION SCENES DAMMIT. AND DON'T GIVE ME ANY OF THAT "IT WAS MORE OF AN INTERNAL WAR" BULLSHIT. WHEN YOU PUT "WAR" IN YOUR TITLE, I EXPECT A DAMN WAR! ...WAR!

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  • Mad Max: Fury Road

    Mad Max: Fury Road

    ★★★★★

    My Citizen Kane deathbed moment will not consist of me saying ROSEBUD. It will simply be me uttering: FURY ROAD ME BITCH.

  • Guardians of the Galaxy

    Guardians of the Galaxy

    ★★★★½

    I AM GROOT. I'm still trying to wipe this goddamn silly grin off my face. James Gunn, you weird little genius, you. I'd put this up with The Avengers and the original Iron Man. There is more personality in this film than most summer blockbusters could ever dream of. I AM GROOT.