Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter ★½

As soon as I saw Benjamin Walker as Lincoln I thought he looked like a younger, goofier version of Liam Neeson. My wish is that the filmmakers would’ve incorporated much more goofiness into the film itself.

When I go to a film called “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter” I expect ridiculousness, not a movie with an interesting, amusing premise that tries to play it straight. There should be more gags like ones where a vampire uses a horse as a weapon to throw at Lincoln (yes, that happens) or the horse and carriage that bursts through a southern plantation window. Let a way-underutilized Alan Tudyk chew some scenery as Steven Douglas or give us some silly one-liners of historical significance. There’s none of that. Instead, the movie takes itself way too serious and attempts to operate around historical events too significant to ignore, but also too somber to have any real fun with.

There’s really no playfulness with the fact that this is ABRAHAM LINCOLN hunting VAMPIRES. Here, it could’ve been any hero slashing their way through the bloodsuckers with enough boring bullet-time and speed-ramping effects to make Zack Snyder and the Wachowskis proud. What we’re left with is largely non-descript and bland that certainly doesn’t live up to the promise of the title.