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  • Sonic the Hedgehog

    Sonic the Hedgehog

    ★★★

    So, I know what you’re asking, “How does this compare to Event Horizon (1997) and is it a remake of Event Horizon (1997)?”. They’re very similar; they’re both about opening rifts in the space–time continuum and they both have a prominent actor playing a genius evil jerk of a scientist. There’s two BIG differences though; Sonic has less nipples and Event Horizon has less ad placement for Olive Garden. Sonic the Hedgehog is basically a kids version of Event Horizon.…

  • The Wretched

    The Wretched

    ★★½

    The Wretched is if Rear Window and Invasion of the Body Snatchers had a baby that they put up for adoption after dropping it on its head. IFC Midnight films are very hit or miss with me. Loved The Clovehitch Killer, Ghost Stories, and The Pack. Hated Axe Murders of Villisca, The Wind, and Pyewacket. So it was a throw up as to where this one would land. Can you guess where it landed?

    The Wretched is mediocre, uses every…

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  • Scoob!

    Scoob!

    ★★

    It felt like someone in their 40’s in 2007 wrote this movie in 2013 and never updated the script. There’s some weird cultural jokes going on here.

    There’s nothing really unique, special, or even memorable about this movie. It seems like they made it purely to push forward their shared Hanna-Barbera cinematic universe because it’s a lot less about Scoob and the gang and a lot more about using the MCU formulaic plot structure to cash grab in on the superhero trend. You aren't missing anything here.

    I just wanted to watch Scooby-Doo.

  • X-Men: Apocalypse

    X-Men: Apocalypse

    ★★½

    The more I watch these newer X-Men films the more I think they must have one dude that does their special effects and he just fucking loves turning shit into sand. The film is a complete disappointment, but they pretty much all have been after you’ve read the comics.

    You’d think molesting children would qualify you to never make another film again, but here we are watching Bryan Singer rape another X-Men story line with one of the most generic…