Mommy ★★★★★

Living with ADHD has not been easy for me. I've struggled with it most of my life, but it was in middle school when I was first officially diagnosed. I began taking medicine and quickly started to hate what it did to me. 

The pills changed me. They made me feel groggy and lifeless. They took away my appetite and made my heart race. I took them all the way through middle and high school, but by college I had enough and that's where my real problems began. 

I stopped taking my pills and started selling them instead. Off my medication, I was gaining more weight and I felt good. I had more energy and life, but that led to many bad decisions. I needed my medicine, I was just too stupid to realize. 

Shortly after, I got arrested for weed and as a result got put in a drug program at my college. I had to take classes and do community service. For years my parents couldn't trust me and to a degree they still don't.

I got depressed and started drinking and doing hard drugs. I had smoked weed many times before, but never done anything more than that. I'm talking Xanax, OxyContin, pretty much anything I could get my hands on outside of needles and Heroin. I stopped going to class and my days consisted purely of partying and fucking around with friends. I flunked out of college. 

I came home to re-evaluate my life. I enrolled at community college. I changed my major and got a job. I got the dosage of my medication lowered and I started to feel better about myself. I did still stumble occasionally, but I managed to keep my head up for the most part and I could always count on my best friend Carson who was there for me during those times.

Then came this film called Mommy. It gave me life. Never had I related to and sympathized with a character as much as Steve. The violent fits of rage, mood swings, his attention disorder, his defiance and his attitude and outlook on life. Hell we even look a little alike. Deep down though he's a sweet kid and he means well, he's just lost and misunderstood. It all made sense to me. I had been at the bottom before. I had been judged, treated like shit. I had felt unwanted, unloved. Just like Steve.

It sucks knowing that I need to take a pill every morning in order to concentrate and function like a normal person, but that's just something I have to accept. Embrace yourself and love who you are. Take it from me and what you've just read. Do something with your life. My fuck-ups don't have to be yours.

Much love ❤️

Remember what dad used to say: "Grab the future by the balls. Fuck the past in the ass."

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