• Airplane!

    Airplane!

    ★★★★

    You can only really quote a movie like this.
    I'd say £7.99 per viewing would be a fair estimate.

    It may be a wacky comedy at it's core but every so often I was forced to marvel at some genius directing. A prime example of this is when plane turbulence was illustrated by some jiggling jelly before the camera pans out to reveal a set of relatively large breasts, also jiggling. The visual not only serves its purpose in presenting turbulence but also draws comparison in two seemingly separate entities by showing boths ability to, well, jiggle.

    81/100

  • In Bruges

    In Bruges

    ★★★★

    The kid was bad at maths though.

    Only Bruges would have a full movie set around it yet have no actual relevance to the plot. What a shithole.

    80/100

  • Nightcrawler

    Nightcrawler

    ★★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Paparazzi are one thing but I think it's safe to say that anyone in this "Nightcrawler" profession is a certified psychopath. Imagine shoving a camera in someone's face as they slowly bleed out.

    You could see the job spiraling into a fucked up, perverse transgression from just the opening moments with Bloom. Just like you knew Rick was fucked when he tried to bargain. A movie that's predictable in the best way possible and this couldn't have been done without a Gyllenhaal masterclass.

    88/100

  • The Web

    The Web

    I hacked faster than I've ever hacked before.

    Sad to see how far Johnny Depp has fallen since this role.

  • Othello

    Othello

    ★★½

    Lost my shit everytime Iago looked into the camera. What a naughty boy.

    The Shakespearean language may be hard to sit through but it does produce some peaches. I will forever be pulling up to the block like "The goodness of the night upon you, friends".

    51/100

  • The Other Guys

    The Other Guys

    ★★★½

    They may play it off as a joke but suffering from BDE (big dick energy) is actually a tiresome, frustrating ordeal.

    Must've spent 80% of the movie's budget on the opening 10 minutes and it was completely worth it.
    Shut the fuck up Mark Wahlberg, raising your voice is not comedy.

    71/100

  • Saving Private Ryan

    Saving Private Ryan

    ★★★★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Shit nearly gave me a PTSD attack and the closest I've come to war is playing Medal of Honor on the Xbox 360.

    The opening 20 minutes and the finishing 40 minutes had me entranced in the most gruesome, chaotic, evocative and tragic movie action I've experienced. Could almost feel the terrifying, anxious anticipation of the soldiers as the army tank slowly advanced.

    96/100

  • The Revenant

    The Revenant

    ★★★★

    Glass sure was glad he'd got Bear Grylls: Born Survivor on boxset the previous Christmas.

    1820's bear killing, Indian battling, elk slaughtering, snow mountain scaling, moonshine downing Northern American men gotta be the hardiest bastards in history.

    84/100

  • Argo

    Argo

    ★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Last thirty minutes was suspenseful as fuck. Then again, they weren't gonna make a film about a failed rescue mission.

    Good movie but would rather they had made the actual argo screenplay with blue Chewbacca.

    71/100

  • Moneyball

    Moneyball

    ★½

    I don't know baseball terms. I don't know baseball history. I don't know baseball players. I don't know what the big deal with the tactics was. I don't know how I stayed awake this entire movie.

    Basically like one of those documentaries that play on sports channels when there's no games on except it's really overdramatized and has a shit ton of big name actors.

    25/100

  • Kicking & Screaming

    Kicking & Screaming

    ★★★

    Byong Sun was found dead later that week after his bid to balance minor league soccer and a cocaine drug empire came to a violent end. He is said to have taken out twelve men in a shout-out that lasted over 46 minutes.

    Robert Duvall later discussed the psychological effects that starring in this film, where themes such as abuse, addiction, Byung Son and imperviousness were tackled, had on him as a man.

    62/100

  • The Gentlemen

    The Gentlemen

    ★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Why the fucks everyone talking in fruity sarcastic metaphors.

    I dunno what it is but English gangsters/ rappers always just seem like wannabe Americans with laughably unthreatening accents. McConaughe was pretty cool though.

    71/100