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  • Ravagers

    Ravagers

    The first irrelevant 73 minutes of this movie has OG Dumbledore dressed as Luke Sywalker wandering around what's either a post-apocalyptic world or modern day New Jersey. After his wife is raped to death he buys a hooker with some cigarettes and they journey to try to find the band Genesis, who are still around since the bombs couldn't penetrate their dense prog rock chords. Eventually they stumble upon a commune full off Borgnine worshipers who roundly shoot him after like 7 minutes of screen time wtf man.

  • The Departed

    The Departed

    ★★★★½

    MY-CROW-PRWAAHH-CESS-UZZ

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  • Last Days

    Last Days

    ½

    Oh I can definitely sympathize with the main character, I wanted to fucking kill myself the entire time as well.

  • The Vikings

    The Vikings

    ★★★½

    This movie stars Ernest Borgnine as RAGNAR, lord of all Vikings, whom wields the Mjölnir of acting. He literally SMASHES Kirk Douglas in to the ground. He PUMMELS Tony Curtis to his knees. He rapes and pillages the coast of Janet Leigh. His performance alone sent this movie to box office Valhalla (Valhalla is good). Then I think Kirk Douglas got an eye poked out by Janet Leigh’s bra or something, it’s hard to remember there was a lot of fog.