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  • The Departed

    The Departed

    ★★★★½

    MY-CROW-PRWAAHH-CESS-UZZ

  • The Last Command

    The Last Command

    ★★

    This movie stars a beautiful young Ernest Borgnine in yet another confrontation with undocumented immigrants, only in this case he's the illegal alien. Mexicans want him the hell out of their country for some reason, but of course Borgnine stands firm and says fuck you I'll just make my own damn country. He enlists the help of guest star and professional dope Sterling Hayden as Jim Buoy, CEO of the Alamo car rental company, to finance his resistance. They all have a secret meeting in the basement of a nearby mission... I don't really remember what happened after that.

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  • Last Days

    Last Days

    ½

    Oh I can definitely sympathize with the main character, I wanted to fucking kill myself the entire time as well.

  • The Vikings

    The Vikings

    ★★★½

    This movie stars Ernest Borgnine as RAGNAR, lord of all Vikings, whom wields the Mjölnir of acting. He literally SMASHES Kirk Douglas in to the ground. He PUMMELS Tony Curtis to his knees. He rapes and pillages the coast of Janet Leigh. His performance alone sent this movie to box office Valhalla (Valhalla is good). Then I think Kirk Douglas got an eye poked out by Janet Leigh’s bra or something, it’s hard to remember there was a lot of fog.