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  • Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

    Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

    ★★

    It's maybe a touch better than I expected, and definitely better than the disastrous On Stranger Tides for at least ATTEMPTING to give us what we liked about the first couple films, but it still falls utterly short. In fact, it's even more depressing that there are good qualities and nostalgic callbacks. All that accomplished was making me sit there feeling sad, remembering when these movies used to be cool.

    What made the first three Pirates of the Caribbean installments…

  • Fear of Blood

    Fear of Blood

    ★★★★★

    I usually don't like distinguishing between filmmakers and "true artists", but Christopher Day and his cinematic contributions warrant an approach beyond our normal film criticism discourse.

    After years of the big-budget studio grind, where Day has delivered some of his most divisive yet groundbreaking achievements (including an audacious and unsettling Batman film the likes of which I never thought I'd see), the young director returns to his comfort zone with a slick, brutal actioner. It's simple. It's salty. It's SENSATIONAL.…

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  • Baywatch

    Baywatch

    A shockingly unfunny, miserably self-satisfied disaster. People who are ALWAYS funny are horrible in this. Like really, when has Hannibal Buress ever not been funny???

    What the hell happened to you, Seth Gordon?

  • Steve Jobs

    Steve Jobs

    ★★★★

    84

    Someone in my theater screening said "Well that guy was an asshole" when the credits rolled and then immediately proceeded to turn on his iPhone. I don't know, man. Something about that image is still fucking with me.

    #SteveJobsisstillalive
    #hesaghost
    #spookin247365insideyourphone