Utter absurdity, tailored perfectly to my sensibilities.
There's a scene in Juno in which the titular character concedes that this movie is infinitely better than Suspiria.
After seeing this film, I now understand that this represented the integral point in that film where Juno revealed herself to be an absolute fucking idiot who just THOUGHT she was smart and quirky.
I’ll honestly probably like the remake better. Crispin Glover elevates everything.