Captain Marvel

Captain Marvel

I don’t remember how to write normal reviews now that I’ve started doing bullet points.

•It’s so funny that the CIA spends 900 million dollars “consulting” on these Marvel movies and it amounts to, like, one line where Carol changes her suit’s colors to USAF colors because those are good guy colors but audiences still cheer when she says she was on the wrong side of a war because they think she means Iraq.
•This was the funniest Stan Lee cameo
•I couldn’t stop laughing imagining a first cut of this movie where they weren’t constantly cutting to the cat landing safely or hiding during fight sequences and test audiences just flipping the fuck out like “I THOUGHT THE CAT WAS DEAD” and that’s why this movie is almost 4% reaction shots of the cat not being in danger.
•I would love to see a period piece set in a decade that didn’t just do a line of its own 20 most famous cultural touchstones.
•Carol is the first Marvel character to know about Nine Inch Nails. Would’ve kicked ass if the thing that jogged her memory was hearing Terrible Lie on a jukebox.
•I have no idea when Carol would’ve heard Come As You Are so that confrontation with Annette Bening was a little confusing but I’m not going to look the gifthorse of Annette Bening dancing to Nirvana too hard in the mouth. I’m no fool.
•What did we think of the I’m just A Girl fight sequence? I personally both loved and hated it. It was so cynically used but at the same time I love No Doubt so I was immediately swept up in it. Marvel fight sequences set to popular songs of our youth will be what turn millennials into boomers. Mark my words.
•The main skrull was the best actor in this or any Marvel movie.
•Marvel movies spend a lot of time teasing other Marvel movies that I refuse to hold in my brain. Every time I see Bucky it’s as if I’m meeting a stranger for the first time. Was he in this? Impossible to say.
•Speaking of that, when I saw the first Avengers movie and they showed Thanos after the credits my entire theater went nuts and so did I but it’s because I thought he was Satan and they were going to be fighting Satan. I kept thinking that well into 2014.
•All the memory stuff at the beginning was extremely confusing to me, a stupid person.
•Jude Law’s character was named Jude Law. He did not transcend his real name in this.

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