Branson has written 503 reviews for films with no rating during 2018.

  • Close Encounters of the Third Kind

    Close Encounters of the Third Kind

    Hadn’t seen this since I was a little kid. So, what, this guy just cold leaves his family? Uhhhh...*lowering my sunglasses to reveal I am crying* I don’t like dat!

  • The Little Hours

    The Little Hours

    Really visually gorgeous which is extremely rare in a comedy with a cast like this. I’m trying to think of a single other example and I can’t do it which means there isn’t one.

    There’s really just the one joke, I wish they’d tried adding a second or third joke into this. That one joke carries much further than I thought it would, but you’ve got a really hilarious cast who you’re sort of wasting! Get this cast back together for another visually cohesive comedy with a denser joke palate.

  • Black Mirror: Bandersnatch

    Black Mirror: Bandersnatch

    I died pretty quick. The dad looked like Jake Tapper so I kept trying to kill him which is a big part of why I kept dying.

  • Good Will Hunting

    Good Will Hunting

    I am Ben Affleck in a poorly fitting suit and track socks trying to bullshit my way into $200. The best part of my day is when my friend might have abandoned me.

  • Two Weeks Notice

    Two Weeks Notice

    Watched this after the ABYSMAL How It Ends to bring the mood up because my mom has a crush on Hugh Grant and it’s possible I do too. It’s on the table.

    This movie is as bad as a movie starring Hugh Grant and Sandra Bullock could possibly be which is to say it’s pretty good and I will watch it again before I die.

  • How It Ends

    How It Ends

    Watched this with my parents. Here are my thoughts:

    -“That’s the problem with your generation, they don’t want to work.” This movie is for boomers who think they’re the last generation who could survive an apocalypse rather than the first generation to cause one.
    -Well that’s not fair. My parents didn’t cause shit and also hated this movie. Very unfair of me!
    -Pretty quickly disengaged from this movie and started thinking about the odds that whoever directed this has ever…

  • Men in Black

    Men in Black

    This is better than Ghostbusters and if you disagree you’re a Boomer. Not reading the comments.

  • The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists!

    The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists!

    Goddamn I would've flipped my SHIT for this when I was 9

  • Mary Poppins Returns

    Mary Poppins Returns

    Some stray thoughts. I’m more of a singles guy than an album guy. I’m the Smiths of letterboxd.

    -I appreciate that this movie explores similar themes to Christopher Robin without resorting to ninety minutes of “YOU PIECE OF SHIT, YOU ABANDONED WINNIE THE POOH BY GROWING UP, YOU SCUM”
    -I watched Mary Poppins maybe once when I was a kid (Street Sharks was on) so I assume a lot of the callbacks here were lost on me.
    -Is there any…

  • Vice


    I’m so glad I watched this in Harrisonburg, VA and not Brooklyn. I would’ve hated this so much if I saw it with an audience who performatively laughed and clapped at everything. As awful (and it SUCKED) as that credits scene was, It was cool to walk out of a movie with my republican dad and hear him say “Cheney’s a real piece of shit.”

  • Bitter Lake

    Bitter Lake

    Pretty good! There was a huge chunk of this with no voiceover which is fine, but made me think something was wrong with the audio. Once I got over that I was able to enjoy this two hour documentary about how badly the US fucked up in allying with Saudi Arabia and how fundamentally fucked we are. Basically I had an awful time watching this even though it was, as I eloquently said at the beginning of this review, "pretty good!"

  • Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

    Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

    Watched this at a sleepover and it was like the stupid nine year old boy version of when the Beatles heard Elvis on the radio for the first time.

    Much like Enema of the State this is either good or bad, but I'll never know which because I was the exact right age and temperament for it so I'm trapped inside of loving it for the rest of my stupid life.

    The end of that sleepover story is that my friend's little sister found out we watched this and told us we were going to hell.