Branson has written 194 reviews for films with no rating during 2021.

  • The Visitor

    The Visitor

    The way some of you talk about this movie I was expecting the whole thing to be as weird as the framing device with the bald children and Will Forte space Jesus. Not saying it's not a weird movie, it is. But you've seen weirder. I don't know. Probably on me for expecting something else here. I just want to be shocked so badly.

    Looked up Paradisi to see if he's directed anything else I've seen or heard of and his next most popular movie after this is something called Spaghetti House. The Italian imagination...

  • The Wicker Man

    The Wicker Man

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Plays like a delightful comedy on rewatch. You know the specifics of what's coming and this time you're rooting for the people of the island, who you wanted to root for the first time anyway. Was honestly proud of them, that was a complicated plan.

    "Did I do it right?"
    "You did it beautifully!"

  • Mystery Men

    Mystery Men

    This is the movie equivalent of going to McDonalds and filling your soda cup up with all the flavors. We called it a suicide but apparently that's a DC area thing and if you just casually talk about that your dull-witted friends from the Midwest get sad.

  • Hawkeye


    One of the top three problems facing this nation is that I watched the first episode of this because nobody can shut up about how good the comic it's based on is and now my Disney+ algorithm thinks I want to watch Ant-Man instead of Donald Gets Stung by a Bumblebee (1949)

  • The Long Kiss Goodnight

    The Long Kiss Goodnight

    At the beginning of the last act Geena Davis looks into a window and sees a single candle burning, symbolizing the cover of Daydream Nation. Finally, her last memory from 1988 has fallen into place. Samantha Caine and Charlie Baltimore have become one. Sonic Youth has once again saved the day.

    If you pitched "the CIA false-flagged the WTC bombing and must be stopped because they're going back to do it again and pin the blame on a Muslim man" as a movie today the CIA/MCU would send Iron Man to your home to shoot you.

  • Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City

    Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City

    Was trying to remember if this was the first Resident Evil movie or what. I know I've heard those two words next to each other a bunch. Turns out it's a famous video game series and there's like twenty others of these movies, one of which I'm pretty sure I've seen. Sorry, video games aren't very important to me and I used to have a really bad drinking problem.

    Every single needle drop in this made me laugh. So did most of the scary moments. What more can you ask for? Merry Christmas.

  • Die Hard

    Die Hard

    I forgot how many times in this movie you see a guy at the end of his rope shout "FUUUUCK" at somebody hard enough to knock them over. Funny every time. Sorry for watching this on Christmas, I know that's annoying. But then again all those annoying dorks with Reddit brain talking about this being a Christmas movie are what reminded me to watch it. So who's to say? Who's to say anything? Language is fake.

  • The Santa Clause

    The Santa Clause

    This was my family's Christmas movie growing up so I'll always have a soft spot for it. Scott Calvin pre-Santafication and my dad in the 90s have very similar sense of humor which gives me warmer feelings for this movie than basically any other Christmas movie that doesn't star a round headed kid. There's a shot in this when Scott says he doesn't believe in Santa at the North Pole and they cut to a toddler elf who is close…

  • Blade Runner

    Blade Runner

    Turns out the reason is always been a little cool on this is I watched the wrong cut. They should've just only released the good cut imo. Seems like that could've saved everybody a lot of trouble. They should put me in charge of the Covid response while they're at it. We should get rid of that shit. Seems like a no-brainer to me? Sorry if somebody you love died of Covid, this is probably really unpleasant to read. If it helps, I got it early on. Don't see how that would help but you never know. I'm just trying to help.

  • The Power of the Dog

    The Power of the Dog

    Was worried at the beginning that it was going to be Chores-core and it sort of is but not nearly as many chores as you'd expect from a 2021 prestige period film starring famous actors covered in dirt.

    Really liked that ending! The movie is somehow more vulnerable than you think it's going to be while also being nastier than you think it's going to be. In cinema circles they call that "the velvet revolver." Nobody in cinema circles was paying attention to music in 2004 is how this happened. And can you blame them?

  • One of My Wives Is Missing

    One of My Wives Is Missing

    What a title!

    This is a TV movie in every way which is fine by me, TV rocks. Every ten minutes or so there's a new twist/cliffhanger designed to keep you from wandering away into the 70s, maybe to a key party or a gas line. Starts fun and silly and then the twists become so convoluted that you're basically just reborn into a world of twists. Would be frustrating if at any point you cared but the movie wisely…

  • Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare

    Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare

    Watched it for a Rude Tales patreon stream where we talked over it. Had a ball, those are always fun. It's not really the ideal circumstance to take in a new film with an open heart but come on. You have to live in the real world with me where I'm not necessarily looking for a change in my soul from a movie called Rock n' Roll Nightmare. Even so? The ending twist is transcendent. Complete audacity in the face…