Branson has written 1,257 reviews for films with no rating.

  • Mad God

    Mad God

    It's like a dispatch from a cooler alternate reality where that grody, grungy Klasky-Csupo/Oddworld/Ident/Monkeybone aesthetic just kept rolling and rolling like a snowball turning into an avalanche. This is easily the best looking movie since 9/11 that I can think of. You might not agree that a movie that features chimpanzee torture and a hallway of faceless immortal titans being shocked in electric chairs and emptying their bowels infinitely into deeper and deeper layers of Hell is beautiful but if…

  • The Adventures of Milo and Otis

    The Adventures of Milo and Otis

    Fundamentally evil movie. As a kid I disliked it because it kept manipulating me on a sentimental level I was completely unable to articulate my discomfort with. It just made me feel "bad" in a way I couldn't express with any more nuance than that. Made me feel homesick even though I only watched it once while I was at home.

    Lo and behold! The cruel set conditions seeped out onto the film itself. I wasn't an especially sensitive or…

  • The Quick and the Dead

    The Quick and the Dead

    Don't remember the exact day I watched this due to Covid making it feel like there's a smaller skull inside my skull trying to hatch.

    But I do know that it absolutely rocks. Packed to the gills with stars. It's easy to forget but Leonardo DiCaprio used to have a normal sized head and used to play into his natural charisma instead of against it. No shot against current DCaprio, he's a very good actor. But, like, c'mon.

    The real…

  • Jackass 4.5

    Jackass 4.5

    Can't believe the elephant gun stunt didn't make it into Forever. The boys are having an absolute blast being British. Shouting "God save the queen!" as they shoot their friends with a gun so big it takes four men to man it. I'm not an easy man to get to pace around a room going "fuck I wish I'd come up with that" but that one did it.

    Probably my hardest laugh was at the elegantly simple "Hi I'm Poopies and this oughta show me!"

  • X

    X

    Maybe it's the novel coronavirus talking but that Landslide cover was one of the funniest moments in any movie released this year. I believe Ti West intended this in the same way that I believe there must be something out there approximating the God I felt when I was a child. Maybe I'm wrong but it's helping me move from one day to the next. Would you take that from me? Knowing most of you losers, probably. That's why comments are off.

  • Spider-Man: No Way Home

    Spider-Man: No Way Home

    Watched it on my flight back from Seattle and the cabin depressurized at 30,000 feet. Weirdly scary movie

  • Dear Evan Hansen

    Dear Evan Hansen

    Tried to watch it on my flight into Seattle and had to turn it off. Couldn't do it. I thought I had a limitless capacity for embarrassing movies that suck but I was simply no match. In a way I really liked this movie. It's so exciting to discover your own limits.

    I'm sure if I tried it again later I would be merely bored. But it hit me at the exact right time and place to make me feel revulsion. Like lightning. Incredible.

  • Burst City

    Burst City

    Caught the screening at WHAMMY! in Echo Park. Not enough people were there. If you live in LA, go see something at WHAMMY! it's a really cool venue and I want it to succeed.

    Incomprehensible but whatever. It has this fuckin momentum that's completely intoxicating. You can follow as well as the movie wants you to simply by being cool. More movies should do this.

    Also features a band called The Stalins who wear all red and murder other bands during their sets. Regardless of your personal politics you have to admit that's a great gimmick.

  • The Imagineering Story

    The Imagineering Story

    Always funny in these when they frame a labor dispute as "Somehow, old Walt was able to rise above the petty demands of his small-minded union-obsessed workers by making a third of them disappear overnight, allowing him to do the necessary work of continuing to force the rest of them to build an amusement park"

  • Muppet*Vision 3D

    Muppet*Vision 3D

    I don't think you should get to know what I think about Muppet*Vision 3-D, the 15 minute 4D theatrical experience that played at Walt Disney World and later at Disney's California Adventure. There have to be some mysteries left in the world.

  • Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century

    Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century

    Put this on to have something playing in the background that wouldn't distract me as I wrote. On that front it was catastrophic failure. Lost an entire morning fascinated by the visual language of what people thought the future would look like two years before 9/11.

    Probably around eight years ago I was doing a show in an elementary school with somebody who referenced this movie by saying "Zetus Lapetus." The audience, who were all born years after this Disney…

  • Army of Darkness

    Army of Darkness

    I was fucking obsessed with this movie when I was 13. Watched it until it was threadbare. Glad I gave it a 20 year pause. It holds up but I still viscerally remember every line and gag. Bruce Campbell is so cool and funny. He got in a little late to be "the guy" who made me want to become an actor but he's the Lincoln on my Mt. Rushmore for sure.

    Don't have a lot to add other than to say that if we ever make a Rude Tales movie I want Sam Raimi from 1992 to direct it.