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  • Before Sunrise

    Before Sunrise

    ★★★★★

    i’d like to apologize for my ignorant review from last year where i clowned on ethan hawke. i will be leaving the blasphemous review up for posterity and to demonstrate the complexity of my character arc. please understand that i’m a changed person now, in the year of our lord 2018. sure, i may not have been the First, but at least i am finally Reformed.

  • The Florida Project

    The Florida Project

    ★★★★½

    just crafted a makeshift best supporting actor oscar out of pastel plaster and shattered dreams for willem dafriend

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  • Fight Club

    Fight Club

    ★★★★★

    first watch: fight club is the best movie ever made
    second watch: fight club is a deep commentary on the dangers of consumerism
    third watch: fight club is a disgusting cesspool of toxic masculinity and it’s not as deep as its fanboys think it is
    fourth watch: fight club is a critique of toxic masculinity and it’s deeper than its fanboys think it is
    fifth watch: fight club is the best satirical gay romcom ever made

  • Call Me by Your Name

    Call Me by Your Name

    ★★★★★

    these two bisexuals that look like they just stumbled out of their first vampire weekend concert really had the nerve to make me lay on my floor & cry while listening to sufjan stevens huh