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brat has written 340 reviews for films during 2017.

  • Star Wars: The Last Jedi

    Star Wars: The Last Jedi


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    luke skywalker graphically milking an alien’s tiddy made me vegan

    like, i’m sorry but someone had to mention it. i refuse to let this absurd scene go un-memed. the milk wasn’t even blue; it was GREEN, y’all. GREEN

  • Logan Lucky

    Logan Lucky


    i tried to push the fact that this is just, as they actually say in the movie, Ocean's 7-11 out of my mind. i really did. i did my best to not think about how perfect brad pitt would've been as joe bang. "daniel craig is giving a great performance," i thought to myself. "and since brad did Ocean's Eleven, there's no way he and soderbergh would do another heist movie, right?"

    the credits roll. i go on the imdb…

  • Atomic Blonde

    Atomic Blonde


    it gave me sapphic women in neon lighting & a 9 minute long take so i can’t be too mad that they forgot to make the plot remotely interesting

  • The Room

    The Room

    lisa is just boneless amy dunne

  • Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas

    Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas


    violently hated it when 7-year-old me was forced to watch it with her family at thanksgiving 2003 & violently hated it when 21-year-old me forced herself to rewatch it last night just for mr. william bradley pitt

  • Lady Bird

    Lady Bird


    Eighteen is a messy age. You think you're an adult. (You aren't.) You think you know better than everyone else. (You don't.) You think every decision you make will impact your life forever. (It won't.) As much as the character of Lady Bird outwardly presents herself as unique, she's just like every other eighteen-year-old inside.

    Lady Bird will take you right back to being on that fragile cusp of adulthood. I'm in that headspace while writing this. Which is why…

  • Marjorie Prime

    Marjorie Prime


    it’s nice to see a Hot Dude AI in a movie for a change! the closest thing we have to that in real life is the british male Siri. god i love when he tells me to “bear right” on the highway

  • Billy Elliot

    Billy Elliot


    second best in the You’re-Giving-Up-Your-Dream-No-Dad-I’m-Giving-Up-Yours film canon. first being high school musical, obviously

  • Junebug



    me as a tour guide in the Museum of Modern Actresses (the MoMA): and on your left we have the 2005 film Junebug, which is historically significant because it marks the very first time that miss amy lou adams came for that oscar & was unfairly robbed

  • The House of the Devil

    The House of the Devil


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    soft butch greta gerwig wearing double denim will be the death of me (and her) 👀

  • Coco



    Drenched in vibrant violet and singed sienna, the world of Coco is a visual feast. Not only that, it touches on topical political themes such as the unjust rigidity of Mexican border control in a way that never seems heavy-handed. Sure, it's a bit depressing that the evils of the real world have seeped into a film aimed at children, but it's important to remember that art is inherently political, even if we don't necessarily want it to be. It's…

  • Woodshock



    it goes against every natural instinct i have to not give 5 stars to an A24 women-directed/written film about kirsten dunst smoking weed but sadly here we are