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brat has written 253 reviews for films during 2018.

  • Black Mirror: Bandersnatch

    Black Mirror: Bandersnatch

    ★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    if we all had our own personal omnipotent deities to force us to go to therapy, perhaps the world would be a better place! there may be many more chopped up dads, but sometimes that is the price you pay for good healthcare

  • Mary Poppins Returns

    Mary Poppins Returns

    ★★½

    list of movies i periodically wished i were watching instead: 

    paddington 2 because of ben whishaw, julie walters, and a more stylish and more conniving villain with plenty more screentime AND played by colin firth’s best frenemy, hugh john mungo grant. god this movie wants to be paddington 2 so bad ... it makes me laugh!!! (you know what else makes me laugh? ben whishaw’s green cardigan. wallace & grommit lookin mf)

    mamma mia! here we go again because of meryl…

  • Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

    Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

    ★★★★½

    yes the rumors are true .... i genuinely enjoyed a superhero movie for the very first time and— *cameras flash* please, no pictures. this is a very vulnerable time in my life. i will be taking 3 questions and then i must return to my home planet. yes, you in the 40s style fedora with the press pass sticking out of the rim. 


    reporter: nyehh can you give us the scoop on why you think you enjoyed this one?

    great…

  • The Spy Who Dumped Me

    The Spy Who Dumped Me

    ★★★

    WHYYYYY are we supposed to believe mila kunis is an average, everyday woman are you KIDDING i’m honestly INSULTED ..... 


    not to sound like a normie but remember that episode of the office where everyone’s arguing about whether or not hilary swank is hot and kelly starts crying and is like “if you’re saying hilary swank isn’t hot then you’re saying i’m not hot because i’m definitely not as hot as hilary swank” ...... that was me as this movie…

  • The Mexican

    The Mexican

    ★★★

    (watched on december 18th in honor of brad pitt’s birthday!)

    if you’re gonna cast brad pitt in a movie called “The Mexican,” it better be a psychological thriller where he discovers a Mexican double of himself, obviously played by his real life double, benicio del toro. 

    WAIT maybe it could actually be a wacky comedy where they switch places and learn about each other’s cultures, like the parent trap! yes yes, these are both better ideas than what The Mexican

  • Vox Lux

    Vox Lux

    ★★★½

    natalie’s rap but make it sci-fi pop

  • Maid in Manhattan

    Maid in Manhattan

    ★★★

    first time in my entire life i’ve rooted for a headstrong, goddess-gorgeous woman and a vanilla republican politician to fall in love ..... what is going on with me ....... i’m sorry folks, this won’t happen again ......... you deserve better .............. you deserve someone who doesn’t allow her unwavering 
     affinity for english character actors such as ralph fiennes to cloud her judgment .............. don’t look at me 😔

  • Roma

    Roma

    ★★★★½

    almost wish i watched this in the privacy of my own home instead of in a packed theater so i could fully sob through the last act sans inhibition! almost. 

    women sacrifice so much and are treated like absolute dog shit not necessarily just by men, but by richer, whiter women, by their own bodies, and even by the merciless, mercurial environment. 

    cuarón has proven time and time again that he is more than capable of crafting women characters teeming with empathy and strength, even when he puts them through hell. i’m not-so-patiently waiting for more male directors to catch up with him!

  • Ride

    Ride

    lana del rey WILL have a future career as a glamorous hollywood auteur specializing in exploring relationships between older men and younger women through the latter’s perspective and when she’s eventually invited to the criterion closet and everyone on twitter loses their minds i will sit back and sip my pepsi-cola with a told-ya-so grin 😏

  • Jurassic Park

    Jurassic Park

    ★★★★

    WHICH JURASSIC PARK DINOSAUR DO YOU RELATE TO MOST AND WHAT THAT SAYS ABOUT YOU:

    - Velociraptor: swift, smart, and speedy like a true rogue. underestimation due to an uncharacteristically small stature is a deadly mistake. very fond of breaking into kitchens and terrorizing children
    - Dilophosaurus (cute lil dino with the neck fan thing): messy bitch who lives for drama! has a unique and flirty flair for fashion and WILL SPIT VENOM IN THE EYES OF ANY FOOL WHO…

  • The Favourite

    The Favourite

    ★★★★★

    you cannot become an official member of the LGBTQ community until you silently cry in front of the fireplace while thinking of your clandestine lover

  • Half the Picture

    Half the Picture

    ★★★★

    no matter how many times i hear the same statistics about how .006% of studio films have been directed by a woman of color (read: ONE studio film) and out of 422 best director nominees only 5 have been women and how 73% of rotten tomatoes critics are male etc. etc., it never gets any easier. honestly, i spent a lot of the runtime on the verge of tears, thinking about how many women’s stories we’ve missed out on because…