brat has written 210 reviews for films during 2019.

  • Varda by Agnès

    Varda by Agnès


    luxuriously refreshing palette cleanser after a harrowing cats/star wars double feature. forgot that cinema can be a source of joy for a second there!! but then agnès varda showed up in a potato costume :) <3

  • John Mulaney & The Sack Lunch Bunch

    John Mulaney & The Sack Lunch Bunch

    parents wanted to watch this for christmas eve but i had to say no because chaotic jake gyllenhaal having a breakdown while singing and gyrating and playing an okja-adjacent character is just a hair too sexy-in-a-weird-way for family time? like, i would’ve had to somehow repress my eruptive passion for mr. music and his xylophone vest in order to prevent them from (rightfully) worrying about me? i know for a fact that other people had this same problem. please don’t lock me up

  • Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

    Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker


    there’s exactly one interesting characterization in this spineless retcon and that’s the choice to give poe dameron a canonical fear of bones 

  • Cats


    unfortunately i did not hate this, and the key to that is to go in expecting plotless nonsense, and also to be pleasantly stoned. you must suspend every iota of disbelief. you must completely submit to the dancing hellcats.

    once you do that, you’ll be able to recognize this as truly AUDACIOUS filmmaking, one of those miraculous absurdist experimental studio blockbusters that defied all odds and logic to come to fruition. i admire the bold choice to omit any traditional…

  • Ad Astra

    Ad Astra


    🎶when i was
    a young Roy
    my father
    took me to
    moon Applebee’s
    for 2 for $20 deals🎶

  • Mikey and Nicky

    Mikey and Nicky


    made my friends go see this (one of my top 4 favs!!!) with me because it serendipitously happened to be playing the day before my birthday. when it ended one of them hesitantly said “... do you want my honest opinion” (i smiled and said no) and another said “THIS is how you wanted to celebrate your birthday??? i’m UPSET” 

    yes! it’s MY birthday and I get to pick the depressing cassavetes picture 🥳

  • Primal Fear

    Primal Fear


    chicago (2002) for boys who didn’t do theater in high school

  • Knives Out

    Knives Out


    some nice stuff first, because i think rian johnson is a(n uncut) gem: i thought the story and dialogue were wonderfully detailed! daniel craig’s foghorn leghorn accent was a delight! my theory that you can pepper toni collette into any movie and it will instantly improve has once again been verified!

    ok, now the Main Grievance:
    for a mystery that prides itself on being clever and subversive, the character of marta sure does rely irritatingly heavily on the “perfect immigrant”…

  • Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

    Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

    one forbidden piece of knowledge that has made my day-to-day life immeasurably more complicated is the fact that brad pitt produced and almost starred as willy wonka. what a .... what a fascinating lens with which to view the text of tim burton’s charlie and the chocolate factory (2005). how would brad have interpreted this role? would it be similar in any way shape or form to d*pp‘s (can’t say his name or the PR damage control bots will be…

  • The Simpsons Movie

    The Simpsons Movie


    petition to change “spider-pig” composed by hans zimmer to the US national anthem

  • Marriage Story

    Marriage Story


    Noah Baumbach’s latest feature is a heartbreaking AU in which actress Gena Rowlands divorces her director husband John Cassavetes in order to move to LA and further her film acting career. FINE, IT’S NOT REALLY AND I’M JUST PROJECTING, but the staging and direction are jam-packed with influences derived from mid-century art-house cinema, from the raw fervor of Cassavetes dramas to the florid, verbose monologues of Ingmar Bergman. In one scene, Nicole (Scarlett Johansson) meets with divorce lawyer Nora (Laura…

  • Force Majeure

    Force Majeure


    if i were witnessing an incoming avalanche i simply would not have instinctually reacted by grabbing my phone instead of my wife and small children, thereby creating an unfixable rift in my already unstable family dynamic. no offense to tomas but i’m different