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brat has written 16 reviews for films rated ★½ .

  • The Intruder

    The Intruder


    considered organizing these scattered thoughts into a cohesive paragraph but then i remembered we’re all slowly decaying and i have more important things to do, like trying to read one of the 20 books piled on my nightstand but taking a depression nap instead. so, well, here ya go:

    -really effective title, as dennis quaid happens to be one of my most intrusive thoughts 
    -the titular Intruder everytime he Intruded: DENNIS QUAID IS HERE
    - excellent application of the Quaid…

  • Spinners



    only watched this because it popped up as recommended after i completed my daily ritualistic viewing of timothée chalamet rapping roman’s revenge at a high school talent show in 2012 :/

  • The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down a Mountain

    The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down a Mountain


    the ultimate moral of this story is that size matters which is a weird hill (MOUNTAIN???) for that englishman to die on

  • Miss Bala

    Miss Bala


    well ....... i liked the scene where they played los ageless by st. vincent! :)

  • Devil's Knot

    Devil's Knot


    there are literally two reasons to ever watch this and they are oscar award-winning actors colin firth and reese witherspoon. wait, there’s a third reason: colin firth’s southern accent. hm but does that count as part of the first reason? GREAT i’ve confused myself

  • The Lorax

    The Lorax


    why the FUCK did they make the once-ler that specific kind of lanky-indie-dweeb-hot that only appeals to people who had a panic! at the disco phase in middle school. how can that be profitable for illumination entertainment

  • The Greatest Showman

    The Greatest Showman


    the scene in the beginning where young hugh jackman gets away with stealing bread proves that this is an alternate timeline where jean valjean starts a circus instead of going to prison for 19 years, finding god, and becoming the mayor of a little french town

  • The Snowman

    The Snowman


    honestly it’s fine until you think about it for more than 2.5 seconds

  • Sing



    this is it! the end of culture! culture’s over everybody — we lost!

  • Cool World

    Cool World


    (watched on december 18th in honor of mr. william bradley pitt’s 54th birthday)

    brad pitt plays a detective in a too-big suit whose job is to make sure that cartoons & live-action people don’t hook up, but sexy lady cartoons keep trying to seduce him. this is pretty much the entire plot & it’s somehow even worse than it sounds

  • Only God Forgives

    Only God Forgives


    dvd netflix plot description: Ryan Gosling stars as British gangster Julian, who runs a Bangkok fight club, and Kristin Scott Thomas plays his crime-boss mom in this action thriller. When a cop kills Julian's brother, the family matriarch flies in from London to oversee revenge.

    actual plot: ryan gosling says a grand total of 17 lines in his role as american gangster julian, a knock-off tyler durden who lowkey maybe highkey wants to fuck his abusive mom, in this beautifully-shot neon dumpster fire.

  • War Machine

    War Machine


    i've been waiting patiently since burn after reading (2008) for brad pitt to be Silly again & THIS is how he decides to make his Comedy Comeback???
    i paid $14.99 for his GQ Style magazine (white sands edition) & THIS is how he repays me???
    he produced best picture moonlight (2016) & THIS is how he immediately follows that up??? 

    brad i'm not mad i just wanna talk. like what's up how can i help you reach your fullest potential because as of right now you are miles away from it my guy