RSS feed for brat

brat has written 16 reviews for films rated ★½ .

  • The Intruder

    The Intruder

    ★½

    considered organizing these scattered thoughts into a cohesive paragraph but then i remembered we’re all slowly decaying and i have more important things to do, like trying to read one of the 20 books piled on my nightstand but taking a depression nap instead. so, well, here ya go:

    -really effective title, as dennis quaid happens to be one of my most intrusive thoughts 
    -the titular Intruder everytime he Intruded: DENNIS QUAID IS HERE
    - excellent application of the Quaid…

  • Spinners

    Spinners

    ★½

    only watched this because it popped up as recommended after i completed my daily ritualistic viewing of timothée chalamet rapping roman’s revenge at a high school talent show in 2012 :/

  • The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down a Mountain

    The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill But Came Down a Mountain

    ★½

    the ultimate moral of this story is that size matters which is a weird hill (MOUNTAIN???) for that englishman to die on

  • Miss Bala

    Miss Bala

    ★½

    well ....... i liked the scene where they played los ageless by st. vincent! :)

  • Devil's Knot

    Devil's Knot

    ★½

    there are literally two reasons to ever watch this and they are oscar award-winning actors colin firth and reese witherspoon. wait, there’s a third reason: colin firth’s southern accent. hm but does that count as part of the first reason? GREAT i’ve confused myself

  • The Lorax

    The Lorax

    ★½

    why the FUCK did they make the once-ler that specific kind of lanky-indie-dweeb-hot that only appeals to people who had a panic! at the disco phase in middle school. how can that be profitable for illumination entertainment

  • The Greatest Showman

    The Greatest Showman

    ★½

    the scene in the beginning where young hugh jackman gets away with stealing bread proves that this is an alternate timeline where jean valjean starts a circus instead of going to prison for 19 years, finding god, and becoming the mayor of a little french town

  • The Snowman

    The Snowman

    ★½

    honestly it’s fine until you think about it for more than 2.5 seconds

  • Sing

    Sing

    ★½

    this is it! the end of culture! culture’s over everybody — we lost!

  • Cool World

    Cool World

    ★½

    (watched on december 18th in honor of mr. william bradley pitt’s 54th birthday)

    brad pitt plays a detective in a too-big suit whose job is to make sure that cartoons & live-action people don’t hook up, but sexy lady cartoons keep trying to seduce him. this is pretty much the entire plot & it’s somehow even worse than it sounds

  • Only God Forgives

    Only God Forgives

    ★½

    dvd netflix plot description: Ryan Gosling stars as British gangster Julian, who runs a Bangkok fight club, and Kristin Scott Thomas plays his crime-boss mom in this action thriller. When a cop kills Julian's brother, the family matriarch flies in from London to oversee revenge.

    actual plot: ryan gosling says a grand total of 17 lines in his role as american gangster julian, a knock-off tyler durden who lowkey maybe highkey wants to fuck his abusive mom, in this beautifully-shot neon dumpster fire.

  • War Machine

    War Machine

    ★½

    i've been waiting patiently since burn after reading (2008) for brad pitt to be Silly again & THIS is how he decides to make his Comedy Comeback???
    i paid $14.99 for his GQ Style magazine (white sands edition) & THIS is how he repays me???
    he produced best picture moonlight (2016) & THIS is how he immediately follows that up??? 

    brad i'm not mad i just wanna talk. like what's up how can i help you reach your fullest potential because as of right now you are miles away from it my guy