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brat has written 51 reviews for films rated ★★½ .

  • The Devil's Own

    The Devil's Own


    harrison ford is fully committed to maintaining a straight face as brad pitt horrifically mangles a northern irish accent for 2 hours and that alone made it worth the watch

  • Unfriended



    what is the truest horror of Unfriended:
    A. vengeful computer ghost that forces you to commit suicide
    B. the mental gymnastics that bullies go through to convince themselves they’re good people
    C. shitting your pants in public, on camera

  • The Fifth Element

    The Fifth Element


    let’s just get this out of the way: i went through this entire movie thinking zorg was billy zane...?!?!?! i was like WHOA crazy how he’s doing the same rich villain character from titanic, also released in 1997, except in SPACE. why don’t we talk about this more often? 

    then the credits rolled and it said ZORG — GARY OLDMAN and i answered my own question :/ legitimately a more oscar-worthy transformation than the darkest hour

  • An Awfully Big Adventure

    An Awfully Big Adventure


    phoenix buchanan of paddington 2’s origin story ...... even though hugh grant has a rom-com rep, his real purpose on this hellscape of a planet is to play flamboyant theater antagonists

  • Tom Jones

    Tom Jones


    (My review for Much Ado About Cinema’s Criterion Channel series)

    This week’s Criterion Channel selection is Tony Richardson’s Tom Jones, a 1963 adventure-comedy set in 1700s England and executed in the style of early 1900s swashbuckler films. Whew! Born out of wedlock, the titular character (Albert Finney) grows into a charming young man and falls in love with the upper-class Sophie Western (Susannah York), whom he cannot marry because he is not of royal descent. Yup, it’s the standard formula…

  • Velvet Buzzsaw

    Velvet Buzzsaw


    omg everyone i’m so sorry!!! when i sold my soul to that ancient trickster god in exchange for the actualization of my heart’s truest desire (jake gyllenhaal playing a bisexual art critic named “morf” in a horror-comedy), i forgot to specify that i also wanted a cohesive plot structure 😔 

    again, SO SORRY — will definitely not be making the same mistake with this monkey paw i stole from a vengeful witch!

  • Beautiful Boy

    Beautiful Boy


    i knoooooow that brad pitt probably didn’t actually contribute that much to the film but i can’t stop imagining him in producer’s meetings ... 

    -“haha let’s have my The Big Short co-star stevey randomly do coke at this part and then never talk about it again! it’ll be EPIC”

    -brad in the editing room: “we need even louder, more horrifying music when the beautiful boy goes missing for the 52nd time to really manipulate the audience into empathizing with the…

  • Mary Poppins Returns

    Mary Poppins Returns


    list of movies i periodically wished i were watching instead: 

    paddington 2 because of ben whishaw, julie walters, and a more stylish and more conniving villain with plenty more screentime AND played by colin firth’s best frenemy, hugh john mungo grant. god this movie wants to be paddington 2 so bad ... it makes me laugh!!! (you know what else makes me laugh? ben whishaw’s green cardigan. wallace & grommit lookin mf)

    mamma mia! here we go again because of meryl…

  • Under the Silver Lake

    Under the Silver Lake


    every 20 minutes or so something stupid would happen like topher grace going on a We Live In A Society rant and i’d think “this kinda sucks?” and then the admittedly sick camerawork would throw in some technical gimmick to trick me into thinking it doesn’t suck that badly and then suddenly there’d be another scene of this la la loser protagonist hooking up with some nameless dream girl 70 miles out of his league and again i’d think “this…

  • Dreamscape



    the letterboxd poster heavily implies that this is an indiana jones rip-off, and in some ways, it is! for example:
    -dennis quaid = harrison ford lite
    -kate capshaw, wife of stephen spielberg and worst part of temple of doom (which also came out in 1984), is the Passive Love Interest
    -there's a Kid who only exists so our Hero can be fatherly to him, causing the Love Interest to think, "huh, maybe this guy is more sensitive than i thought!…

  • Call of Cuteness

    Call of Cuteness


    certainly makes a strong statement on society’s alleged violent mistreatment of internet cats! however, that might be, perhaps, if i may be so bold as to suggest ...... an extremely low priority issue right now? idk, just a thought!!!!!

  • Hackers



    only angelina jolie could make TERF bangs look good