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brat has written 66 reviews for films with no rating.

  • The Lonely Island Presents: The Unauthorized Bash Brothers Experience

    The Lonely Island Presents: The Unauthorized Bash Brothers Experience

    i may not know anything about baseball that's not related to mario super sluggers, but i am highly trained in pointing at shots featuring the underside of trees paired with whispery voice-over and stating, "Terrence Frederick Malick is an American film director, screenwriter, and producer." my cinema studies degree is NOT useless, MOM!!!!!!!!

  • Aquaman

    Aquaman

    hey y’all, we have another guest review! this person is a dear friend who recently DM’d me the most beautiful, poignant story about his relationship with this film — i just HAD to share the love!! <3

    “Did I tell you when I saw Aquaman the 2nd time I got so stupid high I couldn't tell what was happening and thought I pissed my pants like 6 times even tho I never did”

  • Machine Gun McCain

    Machine Gun McCain

    amazon took this movie starring my ghost husband johnny cassettetapes off of prime as i was EXACTLY at the midpoint .... i mean, no, it wasn’t, um, “good” per se, but there was still time to turn it around!! AND it provided this unexpected-yet-very-welcome moment!!!!!! 

    i’m fully confident in asserting that this premature removal is a blatant hate crime CLEARLY intended to separate me from my ghost man and NOT the result of my putting off watching it until the last day it was available. serves as yet another harrowing reminder that ectophobia is (ironically) ALIVE, folks #LoveIsLove 💘👻💘

  • Ralph Breaks the Internet

    Ralph Breaks the Internet

    i’m sure there’s a really heartwarming message about friendship buried somewhere in this feature-length corporate commercial, but my main takeaway is that they made ralph say “e-boy” way too many times for comfort

  • Thoroughly Modern Millie

    Thoroughly Modern Millie

    good clean racist fun! very cool and not depressing at all to see pat morita’s first film credit as “Oriental #2.” ahhhhh, the 60s!

    i think it’s time to thoroughly update millie for even more modern times. gimme, gimme a jazzy, damien chazelle directed remake that includes all the bops from the 2002 stage musical and excludes all the orientalism

  • Captain Marvel

    Captain Marvel

    i know nothing about marvel so here is a guest review from my frat kid brother home from college for spring break: “captain marvel was dope. brie larson was great. um, i dunno! it was good! i don’t know what to say. brie larson was really good. uh, yeah. i’d give it 3 1/2 stars and a rotten tomatoes score of 82%. [pause as he as zelda demolishes olimar in smash] i personally just really like brie larson. her name…

  • The Haircut
  • Shrek Retold

    Shrek Retold

    genuinely BONKERS that our society is advanced enough to produce this radical piece of independent underground experimental cinema. a welcome reminder that there is pure good in the world. (side note: the surprise david liebe hart cover of hallelujah is, dare i say, better than the original?) 

    i’m not usually in the business of being jealous of middle schoolers, but oh how i envy those who’ll get to discover this eventual cult classic on a red bull-fueled sleepover, where they’ll…

  • Bodysong

    Bodysong

    oh my god .... i was like “haha, they’re not gonna show live birth, right?!” and then they DID...... over and over again .... every possible angle ....... many many many different women ...... and this went on for ....... i wanna say at least 5 minutes ... but i don’t wanna go back and check . .,.,..,,.... 

    and, okay, i knooooooow the artistic intent is LOOK AT THIS!!!! THIS IS WHAT YOUR MOTHER WENT THROUGH SO YOU COULD BE…

  • 4/20 Massacre

    4/20 Massacre

    (note: i’m here today because my friend texted me “hey do you wanna watch a lesbian stoner horror comedy” and i said YES on the grounds that i’m fun and i love to have fun!)

    for a movie called 4/20 Massacre, the women were treated surprisingly ... respectfully? like there was a lot more character development than you’d expect from something that appears to be a male-directed/written lesbian exploitation slasher??? i was actually semi-invested in the multiple romance sub-plots, much more-so than the actual massacre????????

  • Catwalk: Tales from the Catshow Circuit

    Catwalk: Tales from the Catshow Circuit

    if anyone has melissa mccarthy’s email address could you please ask her to produce/star in a Best In Show spin-off about the cut-throat competition of cat shows? please watch this ridic doc and try to convince me she wouldn’t be 100% perfect as kim, the woman who takes everything too far and says she wishes ill on the other cats so hers can win. I DARE YOU

  • Taylor Swift: Reputation Stadium Tour

    Taylor Swift: Reputation Stadium Tour

    oh god when she talked about how playing certain songs live helps her to transform her saddest memories, rewriting them from bitter to bittersweet, then launched into “All Too Well,” her break-up ballad about jake gyllenhaal ........ custom-making my own t-shirt that says I Spent My New Year’s Eve Crying During Taylor Swift: Reputation Stadium Tour