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  • Jupiter Ascending

    Jupiter Ascending

    ★★★★★

    this is the most self indulgent fanfic of a movie and it's perfect

  • Van Helsing

    Van Helsing

    ★★★

    i gave it a whole extra star for hugh jackman's amazing hair

  • American Sniper

    American Sniper

    ½

    it's propaganda babey

  • Man of Steel

    Man of Steel

    ★★

    gritty grimdark male superheroes with manpain have been cancelled for years and zach snyder should feel bad for forcing another one on us

    (the second star is just cause i'm real gay for faora hu-ul)

  • Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again

    Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again

    ★★★★

    i didn't like it as much as the first one, but that last meryl streep scene hit me like a truck

    also i would die for lily james

  • How the Grinch Stole Christmas

    How the Grinch Stole Christmas

    ★★★★★

    the only true masterpiece of 21st century cinema

  • Balls of Fury

    Balls of Fury

    ★★

    what kind of cryptid is christpher walken

  • Ghostbusters

    Ghostbusters

    ★★★★★

    nearly accidentally outed myself to my parents in the movie theater because of this movie

  • The Da Vinci Code

    The Da Vinci Code

    ★★½

    at this point idk if i like this movie or if i like to heckle this movie.

    either way i have watched it 78 times in the last 3 years, and i have a tank top that says "sophie neveu defense squad" and audrey tautou's face on it.

  • Love, Simon

    Love, Simon

    ★★★★½

    i really hated those straight kids equating the terror simon must have felt being outed against his will with their high school crush drama, but then i remembered that's just how clueless straight people are.

  • Dunkirk

    Dunkirk

    ★★

    if you can't make a movie that is watchable outside of theaters, then you haven't made a good movie

    this is 100% a movie for white boys in HSTR101 who can't shut up about ww2