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  • Porco Rosso

    Porco Rosso


    me: lmao a pig who's a pilot
    Miyazaki: sending people off to war either kills them or creates a chasm between them and society they can never fully get over.
    me: lol *oink oink*

  • Green Book

    Green Book


    Viggo is unrecognizable in his role as a sentient slice of $1 New York pizza.

Recent reviews

  • An American in Paris

    An American in Paris


    The story is slight, Gene Kelly's character is a creepy douche (though Kelly is, of course, eternally charismatic and charming, so he almost gets away with it), Leslie Caron's performance isn't great and she and Kelly have basically no chemistry, which makes his treatment of Nina Foch's character and total rejection of her advances all the more baffling.

    But then you get to the titular dance number and none of that matters. One of the most audacious, joyful, gorgeous, and all-around fun things I've ever seen.

  • Hanging Up

    Hanging Up


    It’s not great, but the “smoking gun phone” joke is incredible.

Popular reviews

  • Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

    Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker


    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Most disrespectful to, in order:

    1. Rian Johnson
    2. Kelly Marie Tran
    3. My patience, time, money, intelligence, etc etc

    That said, I would like to see a movie where Oscar Isaac and Keri Russell do actually kiss.

  • Hereditary



    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    The Five Stages of Grief:

    1. Denial.
    2. Creating miniature models of your family's most traumatic moments against the pleas of your loved ones, only to then destroy the models in a panic.
    3. Hanging upside down and repeatedly smashing your head against the door to the attic while your last remaining family member begs for his life.
    4. Levitating in the uppermost corner of your attic and slowly, methodically, decapitating yourself with a piano wire while staring at your son, as nude members of your mother's coven wave at him and force him to jump out of a window.
    5. Acceptance.