• Ghosts of Mars

    Ghosts of Mars

    ★★★

    "Where the hell's the train?"
    "I don't know."
    "You don't know? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"
    "Lieutenant to the train!"
    "Plan A is fucked up! You got a Plan B?"
    "Yeah, it's the same as Plan A. You got any fresh ideas?"
    "Yeah, what we should of done in the first place."

    I seem to like this a little better each time I watch it.

  • Basket Case 3

    Basket Case 3

    ★★★★

    "Alright, alright, look. You boys have been through a lot tonight. Bailey, you book the Bradley boy. Baxter, take the bassinet of baby Belial's in back and get Brody to come by! Where's Brannon and Banner?"
    "Bowling."
    "It's Thursday, Sheriff."
    "Aha. Call the lane and tell 'em to get their butts back here! In the meantime, I'm going out there myself!"

    And the third time's the charm as things get even loopier. Belial's little tryst has made him an expectant…

  • Basket Case 2

    Basket Case 2

    ★★★★

    "Maybe there was a third twin. Maybe they were really born Siamese triplets and the third twin prowls around avenging the family name."

    Basket Case 2 picks up right where we left off at the end of the first one, even though the film didn't appear for eight years. Duane and Belial were in a bad way when last we saw them, but Granny Ruth and her clan of likeminded individuals decide to take them in and keep them safe.…

  • Basket Case

    Basket Case

    ★★★★½

    "The hospital says no, every doctor I've asked says no, you two may be my last hope. I don't know who you are, or where Lifflander found you, and I don't care. No questions asked, just separate them."
    "He's right of course, the boy should have a chance at a normal life. They don't share organs or bone, just tissue and flesh. If the operation is successful the most he will have is a nasty scar."
    "And the other one?"…

  • Nosferatu the Vampyre

    Nosferatu the Vampyre

    ★★★★

    "The patient that came in yesterday is having a fit."
    "Which one?"
    "The one that bit the cow."

    From IMDB: "It has been stated by Werner Herzog that the rats that appear in the film behaved better than Klaus Kinski during the shoot."

    I've never personally found Klaus Kinski to be worth the trouble to have in a movie. His mannerisms are too quirky, his face too odd, his tantrums too disruptive and I've never been all that impressed by…

  • Knife of Ice

    Knife of Ice

    ★★★

    "Over here! An empty tin of canned meat."
    "Care to explain this peculiar finding, Duran? What does it mean?"
    "It means the dogs are hungry, Judge. They've been searching the woods for hours. We're wasting our time here. In my opinion, that thing over there is our only real clue."

    Well, it had to happen sooner or later. Knife of Ice is my least favorite of the Lenzi/Baker film collaboration. It's a well told tale up until the ending, which…

  • Cherry Falls

    Cherry Falls

    ★★★★

    "Holy hymens, Batman! They're killing virgins!"

    Given all the shit that the MPAA rained down on Cherry Falls, it's a wonder we ever saw the thing at all, even if it never did get its theatrical release. It's a film about a killer of virgins culminating in a school activity (Not sponsored by the school, but not condemned by anyone but the principal, who turned out to be a rapist, so... Yeah.) where all the students have an orgy to…

  • The Bye Bye Man

    The Bye Bye Man

    ★★★½

    "Don't think it, don't say it. Don't say it, don't think it. Don't say it, don't think it! Don't say it, don't think it! Don't say it, don't think it!"
    "Don't say or think what?"
    "The Bye Bye Man."

    This movie was more entertaining than I was led to believe, but that could be because the unrated director's cut actually held some really nice gore footage that I wasn't expecting and not just some extra curse words.

  • Brain Dead

    Brain Dead

    ★★★★

    "We can't all do good, but at least do no harm."

    My head feels all explodey now...

  • Happy Halloween: A Halloween Kills Fan Film

    Happy Halloween: A Halloween Kills Fan Film

    ★★★★

    "What's going on out here? What's all the noise? Oh, shit. No!"

    Wow. I've still not seen Vincente DiSanti's two Friday the 13th fan films yet, but he certainly does a nice job as Myers in this Halloween fan film. I knew that I was going to like this when Mikey carried half a kid out of the corn field. You gotta respect when a horror film's willing to dispatch an innocent kid so bloodily.

  • The Red Headed Corpse

    The Red Headed Corpse

    "Hey, man. Wanna turn on? Why? You like the world as it is?"
    "I don't give a damn."
    "Yeah, right. Shit."

    Erika Blanc offers alcoholic artist Farley Granger sex for money and he turns her down so she offers it for free. Instead he goes home and paints his mannequin to look like her and allegedly has sex with it. Home life isn't so easy with a mannequin either and things soon get testy.

    Don't ask me. I don't fucking know either.

  • Trespassers

    Trespassers

    ★★★½

    "Well, sometimes you just can't stop what's coming."

    All I knew going into this was that it was a home invasion film. It takes a little while before the real home invasion gets underway, but this is such a fucked up, secret keeping, unobservant little group that they keep things pretty interesting and occasionally violent before the really violent people arrive. I yelled at my television a few times, which, as I've said before, is not a good thing and…