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  • Streets of Fire

    Streets of Fire

    ★★★★½

    Streets of Fire, which was just my fucking JAM. An alternate urban universe that doesn't really belong to any one time? Check. Badass over-the-top action scenes? Check. All kinds of eye candy from leather daddy Willem Dafoe to badass butch Amy Madigan to rock queen Diane Lane? Check. Killer soundtrack? Check. With all this stuff, especially how it strips down its plot to a bare bones "save the girl" story (if a less feminist one) to make room for in-depth action and worldbuilding, its really the Fury Road of the eighties. (Yes, more so than the eighties' ACTUAL Mad Max movies.)

  • The Great Wall

    The Great Wall

    Fucking magnets, how do they work?

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  • Excalibur

    Excalibur

    ★★★½

    I'm starting to see the breakdown of the ratings system. You've got one half ridiculous camp nonsense (who knew King Arthur was such a goober?) and one half crazy brilliant transcendent classic. So, uh, I kinda took the average.

  • Modern Times

    Modern Times

    ★★★★★

    Just perfect. Paulette Godard is brilliant, the social commentary is still relevant eighty years later, and coked-up Charlie Chaplin is the funniest thing in the world. I'm pretty sure this has been empirically proven.