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  • Firewalker

    Firewalker

    ★★½

    Chuck Norris is at his best when approximating a big, wet dog. In this film, he approximates a big, wet dog.

    This movie is fucking silly as fuck but I will defend it as classicist B-movie throwback paycheck work, and for being less racist than it could be (the John Rhys-Davies sequence actually works quite well as a "ok, so rapacious treasure hunting is fine as long as you don't take it THAT far" musing, inasmuch as anything in this movie resembles thought).

    Anyway. Long live Cannon.

  • Red Sparrow

    Red Sparrow

    ★★½

    It's fine and it's got some zippy 'Scope framing but I kept getting distracted by the miniature Paul Verhoeven on my shoulder saying "ZEES SHEET EES FUCKEENK BULLSHIT, ZEES FUCKEENK CIVILIANS HAF NO IDEA VUT 'CRAZY' EES, FUCK ZEM ANT FUCK YOU FOR MAKEENK ME VATCH ZEES FUCKEENK BULLSHIT" for the whole movie.

    At least I hope that was a miniature Paul Verhoeven. Damn.

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  • Gotti

    Gotti

    ★½

    Until I was ten, my dad's main source of income was from bartending, and for several years in that period he worked at a place in Downtown Brooklyn that was a brisk walk from the borough's various courthouses. This is relevant for two reasons: the main one is a prize anecdote starring my dad's friend and coworker Jimmy, wherein during a particularly busy day at the restaurant John Gotti and retinue came in seeking strong drink and a bite to…

  • Avengers: Infinity War

    Avengers: Infinity War

    ★★

    I'm actually okay with the fact that I need Wikipedia to keep track of who everyone is, I'm grudgingly okay with that not helping with the half dozen or so characters I flat out couldn't place even after looking them up, I'm even okay with the fucking thing being two and a half hours long despite the whole story being like "stop space Jay Leno from getting the glowy things otherwise the universe will go boom." I've loved less coherent…