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  • Ghost in the Shell

    Ghost in the Shell

    ★★½

    "Why ain't she got nipples or a vag?"

    "'Cause she's a robot, she don't need 'em."

    "She's got an arse though. Why she got THAT?"

    "..."

    "Did YOU build her?"

    I love my friends but sometimes they can fuck right off. 

    This movie's a fuckin' MESS man. I mean it's a PRETTY mess. Well most of the time, sometimes it looks dirt cheap like they knew they 'ad impressive shit they needed to make later an' picked their battles, but…

  • 21

    21

    ★★½

    How can anybody take a story this interestin' and make a movie so fuckin' BEIGE?

    Half-a-star for Kevin Spacey, who adds half-a-star to anything just by takin' a piss next to it. Another for Lawrence Fishburne's accent never quite soundin' like it's comin' out of his face.

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  • Mars Attacks!

    Mars Attacks!

    ★★★★

    It's like Independence Day if it shit itself.

  • Detention

    Detention

    ★★★★½

    For the first fifteen minutes it's unwatchable. I mean properly. It's almost like some sort of endurance test. "Think you're tough, do you? Think you're HARD? BAM, THE MOST ANNOYING OPENING TO A MOVIE, EVER." It's just a barrage of bleating and overly-cute camera work and annoying, annoying, ANNOYING characters. I was this close to turning it off. I had the remote in my hand at least twice.

    But then something happens. It's hard to describe. It's like the movie…