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  • Terminator: Dark Fate

    Terminator: Dark Fate

    ★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Terminator: Dark Fate is another in a long line of belated Terminator sequels that I will have to try to actively forget. In this case, it shouldn't be too hard. Terminator: Dark Fate was an utterly forgettable film, but at least it wasn't aggressively bad like the previous entry in the series, Terminator: Genyisys. (I still die a little inside whenever I read that title). Why are studios still subjecting us to these sequels? And perhaps more importantly, why why…

  • Lord of War

    Lord of War

    ★★★

    You've got Cage at his Cage-iest in the classic cautionary tale about a man destroyed by his own ambition or obsession in the same vein as BLOW or WOLF OF WALL STREET. Except this time, the obsessive, narcissistic protagonist thrives in the end in what might be considered a particularly heavy handed moral message about guns and international politics.

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  • The Blob

    The Blob

    ★★★

    Steve McQueen stars as the world's oldest teenager who not only has to battle mutant Jell-O from outer space that has a taste for human flesh and an aversion to colder climates but also has to deal with curfews, incredulous adults, and sort-of street hoods who just want to see a scary movie with their lady friends.

    After seeing tropes from old '50s and '60s horror movies parodied almost to a bloody pulp by self-aware, postmodern filmmakers, it's almost jarring…

  • Fifty Shades of Grey

    Fifty Shades of Grey

    ★★½

    For a movie based on a pornographic book based on a middle-aged woman's fantasies about teenage characters from a slightly less uninspired book about vampires whose only weakness is that they sparkle in the sunlight and centred around two main characters engaged in some serious,explicit BDSM sexual intercourse, FIFTY SHADES OF GREY was surprisingly tame. I mean, laughably tame considering the subject matter. Your standard episode of Spartacus gives you considerably more nudity and sex both per capita and overall…