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Captain_Soupy

Captain_Soupy

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  • Prey

    Prey 2022

    ★★★½ Watched by Captain_Soupy 05 Aug 2022

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    I have only the pettiest of nits to pick, but pick them I must:
    -I wish this felt less chintzy. The CGI isn't *quite* up to par and the otherwise solid action suffers for it. I don't know why it's so handheld and conciliatory other than to keep the budget low. It's probably the only way something like this was going to get made in this climate, but it bums me out.
    -Some cliches I just can't abide. The inevitable…

  • Love on a Leash

    Love on a Leash 2011

    ½ Watched by Captain_Soupy 03 Aug 2022

    The sound being all over the place was a deliberate prank, right? I was riding the volume buttons like a white-knuckled jockey the whole movie.

  • DC League of Super-Pets

    DC League of Super-Pets 2022

    ★★★½ Watched by Captain_Soupy 31 Jul 2022

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Surprisingly a real movie, not just a lazy Hart and Johnson vehicle! And a decent comedy to boot! Comics-literate and kind of edgy for a family film (though the bleeped swears played big with the kids in my audience). That post-credits scene is more good-natured and self-deprecating than I gave either DC or The Rock credit for.

  • Totally Spies! The Movie

    Totally Spies! The Movie 2009

    ★★★★½ Watched by Captain_Soupy 26 Jul 2022

    "What if Charlie's Angels was also Sailor Moon, Scooby-Doo, and Bond by way of Barbie, all rolled into one batshit package?"
    -Some horny French weirdo, being struck by divine inspiration

  • Child's Play 3

    Child's Play 3 1991

    ★★★½ Rewatched by Captain_Soupy 21 Jul 2022

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Putting live ammo in the guns for a training exercise so the kids shoot each other is somehow one of the most chilling kills I've ever seen in a slasher. You crazy for that one, Chucky.

  • Nope

    Nope 2022

    ★★★★★ Watched by Captain_Soupy 21 Jul 2022

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    THE AKIRA BIKE SLIDE.
    JORDAN, YOU MASTERFUL DORK!

  • Thor: Love and Thunder

    Thor: Love and Thunder 2022

    ★½ Watched by Captain_Soupy 07 Jul 2022

    "Yelling Goat" is a DECADE OLD MEME.

  • Game Night

    Game Night 2018

    ★★★★★ Rewatched by Captain_Soupy 10 Jun 2022

    "Now that's some cute full circle bullshit."

  • Jurassic World Dominion

    Jurassic World Dominion 2022

    ★ Watched by Captain_Soupy 10 Jun 2022

    ...
    I ain't mad.

    Honestly, at this point, that this merely bored me rather than offending makes it a success. It's still gonna make a billion goddamn dollars no matter what anyone with an ounce of intellect says about it. So who gives a shit? It's way too long, barely has a coherent plot, and doesn't even really function as a sequel, but the characters people actually like from the original movie come back and they kiss at the end. Pass the popcorn!

  • Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

    Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom 2018

    ★½ Watched by Captain_Soupy 09 Jun 2022

    Sequels will literally just make up a guy to get mad at.

  • The Monster Club

    The Monster Club 1981

    ★★★ Watched by Captain_Soupy 03 Jun 2022

    Monsters rule, okay!
    (YEH YEH YEH YEH YEH YEH YEH, YEH YEH YEH YEH YEH YEH YEH)

  • Scary Movie 2

    Scary Movie 2 2001

    ★½ Watched by Captain_Soupy 09 Jan 2022

    Racism, homophobia, ableism, AMAZING GUTBUSTING SLAPSTICK FIGHT WITH A CAT PUPPET, transphobia, racism…

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