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  • Battle Beyond the Stars

    Battle Beyond the Stars

    ★★★★

    "With a good script, a good director can produce a masterpiece. With the same script, a mediocre director can produce a passable film. But with a bad script even a good director can’t possibly make a good film. For truly cinematic expression, the camera and the microphone must be able to cross both fire and water. The script must be something that has the power to do this."

    — Akira Kurosawa

    "One of the space samurai has to have like, really big boobies."

    — Jimmy T. Murakami

  • Rockula

    Rockula

    ★★★★

    (puts cap on backwards)

    My name is Rapula and I'm here to say
    I love stupid movies in a major way

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  • Gingerdead Man 2: Passion of the Crust

    Gingerdead Man 2: Passion of the Crust

    ★★★

    At some point this half-assedly decides it needs to be a "real" movie instead of a bunch of loosely strung together winks & gags at Band's own expense, but up until that point I was surprised at how fun it was. I mean, that in itself is a fuckin' achievement. Way more enjoyable than not just the first Gingerdead Man, but probably most Full Moon productions beyond the mid 90's. That and it's barely over an hour long, which is something only garbij movies seem to understand is the right thing to do.

  • Piranha Part Two: The Spawning

    Piranha Part Two: The Spawning

    wait for it






    the yawning

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  • Mandy

    Mandy

    ★★★★

    So brazenly its own thing even though I'm well aware everything owes a debt to something, but it feels like a detriment to start making comparisons. It's an experience, alright. I'm almost afraid of writing down words that are too grandiose, cause I'd hate for this to become the next Drive. But it'll probably be too divisive for that. Once more, Cage is your new God. *splat*

  • Halloween III: Season of the Witch

    Halloween III: Season of the Witch

    ★★★★★

    Do you see what happens when an entitled fanbase boycots a movie because it didn't give them exactly what they wanted? DO YOU SEE?! An initiative that produced something that is so insanely gorgeous, so utterly submerged in foreboding gloom, so refreshingly unconcerned about losing you as a viewer... only to prematurely get its plug pulled, leaving us forever wondering about what could have been. And boy, don't even get me started about the soundtrack. You wanna know how I…