The Christmas Brigade

The Christmas Brigade ½

What do you do when, presumably, you're contractually obligated to deliver 72 minutes worth of content, but you've only managed to cobble together a 40 minute story composed mostly of hamburger-related jokes and the villain self-immolating about how husky he was as a kid?

Well...once that plotline is exhausted, you have Jennifer and her palette-swapped twin Amy sing Christmas carols for about ten minutes, as the CGI characters are animated as simply as technically possible. They appear to be on an asymptotic approach with absolute immobility. So close...but not quite.

Then you replay the original Christmas Light, retelling it like a campfire story, with new Santa (who sounds like he might be from Chicago?) and Burton chattering over the inaudible parts.

Then Jennifer and Amy are back to sing more Christmas Carols, barely moving at all before belting out the Christmas Brigade theme.

Then you play the Christmas Brigade theme AGAIN over the exact same animation that opened the movie.

And that is how you make what is now tied for the worst CGI Christmas special I've ever seen.

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