WHAT EVEN IS THIS MOVIE

1/2 of this thing is a really standard, boring, grey and grim anti-hero story, complete with wasting actors who are slumming it (Riz Ahmed and Jenny Slate... enjoy your paychecks).

The other 1/2... is Tom Hardy, playing this entire thing like he's making a magical realism PG family comedy. He's jerking and mugging and doing so much physical comedy that it isn't "unintentionally funny" - Comedy is CLEARLY what he's going for. And you know…

As a “Mission Impossible Stunt Spectacular” this thing is staggering. The craft of how these stunts were made seems impossible.

That being said holy shit was the script so boneheaded. One character is simultaneously a moron and a criminal mastermind. There are huge chunks that feel like old man jerk-off wish fulfillment - Simon Pegg, the youngest member of the team, is 48. The entire enterprise is such a Tom Cruise ego stroke that I never for a second felt…