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  • The Devil's Honey

    The Devil's Honey

    ★★★

    Dear Jessica,
    I chose to watch this movie as you acting out against the surgeon for “killing” your boyfriend before you got the chance to get him back for the emotional turmoil he put you through. Sure, you loved your boyfriend and he could make you orgasm by playing his saxophone into your vag but he wouldn’t listen when you said “no”. Doesn’t matter if you’re in a relationship if you say “no” he should listen and you said a…

  • Thor: Ragnarok

    Thor: Ragnarok

    ★★★★½

    I love Hela but my heart belongs to Korg ❤️

    Sexy and ridiculous amounts of fun! Just what I wanted!

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  • Jurassic World

    Jurassic World

    ½

    I went in with the best of intentions. I "liked" each of the previous Jurassic Park films. I did not expect anything groundbreaking - just some dinosaur fun. That's all I really wanted - just some fun... I hated Jurassic World.

    I'm saying all of this below as soberly and as calmly as I can - I really wanted to like this movie - I really wanted to give it a better rating - but as I think about it…

  • Pee-wee's Big Holiday

    Pee-wee's Big Holiday

    ★★★★½

    I'm so happy right now!

    You can't go back! Nostalgia is a trap!! Force Awakens was a fluke!! ... I know you are but what am I? ... AHHHH!!!

    I've been rooting for Paul Reubens for so long to get a chance at another movie!! I've read interviews where he said he had plans but they would always fall through... but he finally got it!! And he fucking nailed it!!!

    Pee-wee's commute to work! Pee-wee's still the breakfast king! All…