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  • The Ritual

    The Ritual

    ★★

    Let's play a little game called "How to Tell If the Movie You're Watching Is The Descent":


    Do a group of friends go on regular adventures?

    Yes.

    Are two of them a little bit closer than everyone else?

    Yes.

    Does one of those two die tragically?

    Yep.

    And it really kinda hangs over the other person?

    Oh yeah.

    So then the remainder of the group goes on another trip?

    Yes.

    But this one's a little intense because they want something…

  • Goldfinger

    Goldfinger

    ★★★½

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    Part of a series of reviews on every single James bond film in order

    In serious contention for the title of Best Bond Movie.

    Also probably where I have the biggest beef of the series.

    Let's begin with the good! (There's lots.)

    Iconic.

    From the name to the larger-than-life (and just generally large) villains to the gold body paint to theme, this is a Package™.

    The theme especially is nice, including its quieter, orchestral variant, which gets used amply, but…

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  • Avengers: Infinity War

    Avengers: Infinity War

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    That was the least interesting superhero movie I've ever seen.

    Not the worst, mind you. Maybe the second worst. But at least Catwoman runs under two hours and offers so-bad-it's-good entertainment.

    Infinity War is a bloated piece of empty, corporate garbage.

    This movie takes TWO AND A HALF HOURS to tell a story that could've been done in 80 minutes.

    The worst part is that roughly 75% of this is characters standing around talking to each other about what just…

  • Dunkirk

    Dunkirk

    ★★

    This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

    I don't think this is necessarily an outright bad film, but what the fuck is the point here?

    Is the point that war is hell? If so, this is obvious to everyone already. Films like Saving Private Ryan or We Were Soldiers depict the visual atrocity and gut-wrenching fear, pain, and confusion of soldiers much more viscerally and accurately. This is a bleached, PG-13 affair that seems content to shy away from the blood, the burning corpses, and the horrifically…