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Recent reviews

  • The Batman

    The Batman


    Going forward I will rate movies according to a revolutionary, state of the art movie rating system: Cry Macho Adjusted Rating System (CMARS). CMARS is comprised of a several data points indicating time, serotonin levels, and pultiplecting and diadecting eastwoodnium molecules which are decoded by an algorithm written by renowned/fledgling computer scientist Texas Joe.

    In plainer terms, the amount of time between me finishing a movie and me thinking about Cry Macho (2021) will determine how good a movie is. CMARS…

  • Licorice Pizza

    Licorice Pizza


    𝐇𝐞𝐲... 𝐮𝐡, 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧, 𝐰𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐚 𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐛𝐨𝐱𝐝 𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐥𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐫 𝐓𝐫𝐞𝐯. 𝐘𝐞𝐚𝐡, 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐠𝐨𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬, 𝐮𝐡... 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐬𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐝 𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝'𝐬 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐬, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐞'𝐬 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭, 𝐮𝐡... 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰... 𝐇𝐞'𝐬 𝐠𝐨𝐧𝐞... 𝐇𝐞'𝐬 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐧. 𝐘𝐞𝐚𝐡. 𝐇𝐞'𝐬 𝐠𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲. 𝐇𝐞'𝐬 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐝. 𝐇𝐞 𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐯𝐲 𝐨𝐧 𝐮𝐬. 𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐫 𝐓𝐫𝐞𝐯. 𝐇𝐞'𝐬 𝐠𝐨𝐧𝐞.

    Following the rigorous discourse of 2021, Trevor has decided it was time…

Popular reviews

  • Shithouse


    Loved it. I cannot wait to catch up with maggie and alex in the 2029 sequel (entitled Pissplace) in which they bump into each other in some downtown hilton convention center thing and walk around all night discussing how all of their family members died from the virus within 6 months of their graduation.

    the neighbor woman from a serious man wears a pod save america shirt in this movie.

  • Draft Day

    Draft Day


    Some of my favorite aspects:
    -Finally finding out what happened to Tom Welling's QB character from Cheaper by the Dozen.
    -The Browns' war room watching the film from the Wisconsin vs Ohio St game (This scene is truly one of the more stunning things I have ever witnessed. I immediately paused it and took my daily covid walk to attempt to process what I had just seen. It didn't help).
    -Chadwick Boseman's football-playing body double in said scene being…