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  • Aladdin

    Aladdin

    ★★½

    Lock stock and two and a half sodding star's

  • Darkman

    Darkman

    ★★★

    Let’s get a movie made about Durant’s lawyer who was able to get him out of police custody for armed robbery in under 90 minutes.

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  • Ghost in the Shell

    Ghost in the Shell

    ★★★★

    I really wish I had seen this before the live action remake, I would have been able to say really cool and totally not incredibly cunty things like “you should watch the original anime based on the manga. It’s far superior” people love it when you do that. If you do that in social situations and people roll their eyes, it’s because you’re not doing it enough. 

    This kinda makes the remake sound like your nan trying to explain the plot to you but she’s had a few sherries and she’s trying not to swear because there’s young grandkids around.

  • Beetlejuice

    Beetlejuice

    ★★★★★

    This movie making the case that when we die we might be subjected to horrendous customer service is pretty much the only reason we need to crack the case of eternal life. 

    BeetleJuice seems like the crazy fun uncle that would come and pick you up from school while your parents were away and take you for ice cream and meth.