Call Me by Your Name

Call Me by Your Name ★★★★★

This review may contain spoilers. I can handle the truth.

This review may contain spoilers.

never looked up anything about the movie, just let it sit with me. patient because love is so. subtle because love is so. suddenly caught what elio scribbles down on brown sheets – "i thought he didn't like ME", oliver, oliver, elio elio elio elio scribbled, rotting, frantic... i first watched this when i was as old as elio in the movie and thought he was some bolder, mature genius. now suddenly he seems so precocious, so like who i was, so desperate & nervous, so careful, so self-aware, far from realizing that he will never feel this way in life again...

looking over the star of david, biting the star of david, i love you in a way that is godlike. i know you, in the way i am everywhere at once, in the way that i know everything i don't. that the world we believe in is the same one. (it could be if we allow.) or when elio grabs oliver's crotch, and then oliver lifts loose fabric to show his wound again and again, and oliver creates space, and sticky hands wiping each other's body's off on dusty bedsheets / bare chests – study the etymology of 'apricot', live in its summer, "why are you hurting me". and then the relationships we hold on to empty for something truer; i sleep with someone else for reaction, affirmation, maybe validation, mostly for stability with the world––then i have the whole of you for myself.

or at piave. "how could they hear each other?" when so far away and you realize they really weren't. "you know what things," whispered. i must admit things at a distance. i must wait for you in the same place every night and this indirectness will stand... until the story of the knight is read as he rests on his mother's lap. i tell you what i know of the world. i'm stupid and anxious and it repeats and it repeats all over, there is nothing to save me from this moment and everything is up to you. "because i wanted you to know because i wanted you to know because i wanted you to know."

and he bikes forward, leading, for the first time